Set it up!

I dont know. There must be something in the water, because I'm feeling so much better. Priorities have changed. Not for the bad I hope. I guess, Im trying to be more optimistic and positive about things. Thinking that, maybe if I am an optimist, then my outcomes are optimistic. I feel like, all of this time -- I've been drowning myself with unnecessary thoughts that plagues my mind. I've been feeding my negative thoughts until I'm so burnt out. Until I have no energy left for me to revive myself. To feel happy again.

"Im sick and tired of being sick and tired."

-Fannie Lou Hamer

So, here I am. Trying to re-organize my life. What comes first, and what I have to do to fulfill myself. Right now, there are so many things running inside my head. It's a wonder how I can even stop to write all this. I cannot believe that I am pretty excited to start things new again. I think, there were so many things that is so inconclusive in my life, it's like all this while -- I was hitting on the brakes. Putting my life on hold. Now -- I think I should have known any better that by putting it on hold, I could never truly enjoy the beautiful moments I am making today, tomorrow and the days to come. Im glad that today, my life is put into perspective. So I can see how much I am missing if I dont cherish every moment that I have.

Im supposed to sleep. Im supposed to wake up early tomorrow to run some errands and then go back to Malacca. I think Liyana and Adlin is already in Malacca. Liyana said something about Yassin recitings since their house have been problematic lately. I dont think my housemate is home. I think she's gone to some wedding in KL. That, or she's back in JB. So I'll probably be alone in the house. :( Sheesh. It'll be really lonely. *Sigh*

&&& Yes, I know baby. You're amazed by me. HAHA! Love you. Thanks for reading -- Well, at least you open it. Even if you skim my blog just to read the things I write about you. *rolling eyes*

Oh well, until the next post!

Love, Aqi.

sleep, maybe?

Just got back from Spa Manja, and feeling more and more revived than ever. That jacuzzi -- let's just say, it made my day. Im definitely going there again. Well, for something else. I feel like trying their other treatments.

The last bit was what caught my interest. They did Ear Candling. I never really thought about it much before. It wasnt that bad. I could hear the sound of burning. And they were pressing the pressure points on my face. All in all, it was a good experience. :) If I am not mistaken, I am suppose to rest now. I hope this will help me with my nocturnal behaviour these couple of days. I need to reset my biology clock for my class at 8am this coming Monday.

&&& I am missing alot of people nowadays. :(

Until the next one!

Love, Aqi.

you're my rainbow after the rain, love !

Not feeling very well. Having a hard time sleeping, very nocturnal nowadays. Not good. Since I have a morning class on Monday. And it's supposedly Basic Accounting for Lawyers. Im beaming with happiness.. NOT. Liyana called, and we talked about that. How it's so irrelevant to us that we have to take Computer Application and Basic Accounting. But I guess, it's irrelevant now. I dont know, maybe it'll help us in a few years from now. Maybe. Everything has their reasons, right? Keep that in mind, Aqi.

I made myself a cup of Chamomile tea and some instant Chicken Soup. The tea was supposed to be soothing. To help me calm my nerves and feel sleepy. Chamomile as I've read, have a few benefits. Such as,

• Insomnia and other sleep disorders
• Anxiety and Panic Attacks
• Muscle twitches
• Wounds, burns, and scrapes
• Skin conditions such as psoriasis, eczema, chickenpox, and diaper rash
• Stomach problems such as menstrual cramps, stomach flu, and ulcers

I usually make some when I am under a lot of stress or when I feel like I need something to make me relax. Just the smell of it can loosen my muscles up. It's soothing. I used to have an aromatherapy oil that is Chamomile scented. Im easily stressed. It's either Chamomile or Lavender for me. You can try drinking some. I usually add Manuka honey instead of sugar. Manuka honey also has alot of health benefits. I am too lazy to type or copy all of them because there's so many. You can read it here!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I was lazing around in the living room watching True Blood, when Acap called. Telling me that he's finally home. He was mad that there's pizza when he's already full. I bet you ate a lot at your dad's kopitiam. :P After another phone call, he said he'd send me a goodnight text before hitting the sack. I waited for it, and not too long after that -- it came. Hooray. Oh my....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Im laughing my ass off from your stupid txt. And you even asked me if it was cute. It was so adorable, I cant stop smiling. Yes, you're frigging adorable. And I hate it that you know it. Im sorry I cant reply, but there'll be other goodnight messages from me. :) Tonight, it's just you. If you're reading this -- which I doubt that you are, since you dont really like reading -- then, goodnight love.

&&& I'd so hate you if you're going to Ahmad Dhani's open house with Popo. *sulk*

Until the next one!

Lovelovelovelove, Aqi.

Gossip Girl is turning me into someone who is more insomniac!

The Goodbye Gossip Girl Episode ; Season 2 Episode 25.

:O

I CANNOT STOP WATCHING IT. The ending is super sweet. I love Chuck. :D

&& the clothes for season 2 --they look oh so amazing!-- was superb. If you're not using them anymore, send them to my wardrobe will you? :) I hope that season 3 will bring more interesting plots and fashion.

Until the next one!

Love, Aqi.

tired tired tired !

People are simply not trustworthy. People CANNOT be trusted. Ok, I better add that SOME people are not to be trusted. Im pissed off. If I am a lawyer now, I'd find something to sue your ass off.

Moving on, I was out with Mama to George & Dragon for their best Sirloin Blackpepper Steak, with US Russet Baked Potato. Delicious, simply delicious. With Chuck Berry singing Johnny B. Goode in the background. What more can I ask for? We talked about some things that are happening, and some of the things I just found out about -- isnt exactly something that was easy on the ears. But, I know for a fact that papa is a superdad, -- if not a Google when he's at home, since he's the only one who can find things in this house -- he can manage through. I hope I can be more of assistance.

It's another few days until I'm off to Malacca. The hols are finishing, and it was a quick one. I dont think I did much. Just that I laze around and stayed in since I'm not feeling that well. Headaches are a bitch. Remind me to go and get my Malaysian Studies and Islamic Studies certificate from UCSI, so that I can do a credit transfer. I'd hate to take those subjects again. Tomorrow is the appointment with Spa Manja. I cannot wait for the Signature Detox Massage. Im taking the Celebrity Treatment. It consist of : Aroma Eye Treatment, Steam, Jacuzzi, -- this is what I'm talking about! -- Foot Soak, Boreh Scrub, the massage, and last but not least the Ear candling.

I think there's another one in the heart of KL. I remember wanting to book Mama a spa in KL, on Mother's Day. But couldnt because she was too busy and cant come to KL. Oh well, at least tomorrow we can enjoy a mother and daughter spa together. Weehoo!

Here's the info if you ever want to try it out,

This is the one in JB :

Spa Manja
162 Jalan Dato Sulaiman,
Century Garden,
80250 Johor Bahru, Malaysia.
To contact : 017 777 3393 / 07 3333 111
spa@spamanja.com
Operating Hours : 11am - 11pm
Call for appointment.
Gentleman and Ladies are welcomed.

Here is the website for further information, www.spamanja.com .

I need to relieve my tired muscles and relax.

Until the next post!

Love, Aqi.

.Another Chapter And Page.

I love how you're always trying to get my attention ; I love your lame jokes ; I love how you love making me laugh ; I love how you always look at me with that look of yours ; I love how your hand fits in mine ; I love how your smile sends shivers down my spine ; I love how your laughs lift my mood ; I love how you answer me when I call for you ; I love how you glance back and answered knowingly I didnt really have anything to say, but you said "yes?" anyway ; I love how you're not annoyed that I am trying my best to annoy you ; I love it when you love the things that I do for you, without me realizing im doing anything at all ; I love your bear-hugs! ; I love how you're trying to grow up for me, but failing miserably ; there are a million other things that I could write, and it would take days. So this is it --- for now. :)

I first saw you in the hall, with our different coloured painted faces. You were in the Red team, and I was in the Blue team. When we did our cheer you got up -- the only person in your team that stood up --, looked over and said, "Whateverrr." Seriously I could have smacked your head at that time. I called you The Whatever Guy, and I disliked you from then on. I looked at you as a spoilt kid, you looked like one anyway. I dismissed you, and moved on with my life. We even went to the same after-orientation-night thingy, but we didnt even realized each other. I left early. Then when classes started, I only had friends that are not in the same course as me. One invited me to lunch, and I accepted. Supposedly I was suppose to meet her earlier that day, but I was too busy. I was sleeping and I was grouchy, but I went anyway because I had a class to go to after the meet. And there, I met you again. How convenient.. You were sitting right across from me. I wasnt in the mood, so I reluctantly answered your questions. You asked for my number, I asked what it was for -- and you answered, "So if there's anything, it's easier to contact." So that was it. You texted me that night, but I ignored you. Then we met up for movies and some sight-seeing that night. I was the odd one out. So I kept mostly to myself. You sent me back home I think. It was very sweet of you. It's a gesture I'd have to say, no one has ever shown to me before.

It was your first time riding the bus back to KL. You were with our friends and you werent too happy about it. When you boarded the bus, it happened so quick that there wasnt much time to say goodbye. You sent a text that was not supposed to be read by me, you were telling our friend that if she brought me to see some other guys then she'll be in trouble. *laughs*

Since then, things have changed alot. Progressed, as some might say. There were some ups and downs. You told me you loved me, and asked me to say it back. But I wouldnt, and you said you'd wait. Something tragic happened, you had to go back to KJ. We were in the car, in front of Ixora. You were sad. I told you to take care of yourself, and you told me to do the same thing. Before you opened the car-door and walked away, you kissed my cheek. It was so sudden. I didnt react. I just sat there. I looked at you, but you're already walking away. So,I drove back home.

The first time I said I loved you -- was something that I didnt plan. It was supposed to be well-planned. Even if I was falling for you, I didnt want to immediately say it. I wanted to wait. But it happened anyway. Still, it is a beautiful memory. You drove back to Ixora, and I was eating ice cream. We changed seats and you were waiting for me to finish my ice cream before going out of the car. I said it was OK, as I was finishing it anyway. You said, "Bye, I love you " and opened the passenger's seat door. Without realizing it, I answered "Bye, love you." I didnt even realized it until you shut the door closed and stared at me in disbelief. I hid my face as I rested my head on the steering wheel, I couldnt even look at you. I did not believe I just said it. So un-romantic of me! You opened the door again and said it again, I think hoping that I would answer you again. But I didnt, and so you walked away. I received a text from you that says, "You what??" I said nothing. And that was that.

I still remember this particular day like it was yesterday. I had dance practice, and you were suppose to come. You texted saying that you were tired from the soccer game, so you're not coming. I was disappointed, but I understood. Adlin and Liyana wanted to borrow the car, so I passed them the carkeys. After the practice finished, I tried contacting you, but you werent answering my calls and you werent replying my texts. I got annoyed, since we always go to dinner after my practices. And everyone seems to have plans, so I was alone. I walked out of the Block B building to find my car, since Adlin texted me saying that they're already waiting. I was still waiting for you to answer my call when I spotted the familiar Blue Kelisa parked nearby. I expected for the girls to come out, but there you were standing with a pink shirt. A rose in hand and a big smile plastered on your face. I was in your grey hoodie and a cap and definitely messy. I hated you for picking that moment to be all romantic. HAHA. Couldnt you pick some other time when I look more decent? Ok, moving on.

I shouted something while walking towards you, but halted when I saw the rose and when it sunk in that you were going to propose. I laughed and told you I wasnt going to come any closer. You waited patiently until I did. I was standing in front of you when you handed me a little card that says Love Bug in front of it, with a picture of a ladybug. Inside you wrote "Fatin Aqilah, will you be my girlfriend?" The only reaction I could give to you at those times was laughing. Sorry, I laugh when I cannot think of what other thing to do. I said, "No," and pretended to walk away. You made a face, and I stayed. You asked me again, and I told you, "Of course." You went down on one knee and handed me the rose. You opened the passenger door and we drove back home. I got ready as you waited and we went for a late dinner since practice always ends around 10pm. You brought me to D'Pelican, you asked me if I know why. But I didnt. You said it was because there was a time when we went there before a movie and you were upset because I told a friend that I wasnt that interested in you. You said you really liked me at the time but I didnt feel the same way, so since then you promised yourself that you'd try your best to win my heart. And when you finally did, to pay tribute to that day, you brought me there for our first dinner together as a couple. You paid for dinner, even when I insisted on going Dutch. :) Then we were off to McD for ice creams. That was like our late night ritual, we'd hang out at McD. Just us. It was like our secret place. Haha!

Muhammad Asraf, I love you. I will learn to love you more and more for the days to come. It's a long journey, so walk with me.



So, until the next post.

Love, Aqi.

.life is a mystery even to itself.

Im reading old posts that I have in my other blog. It's so weird to be reading something that I wrote such a long time ago. To remember, sometimes it doesnt feel like the author was me. There was so many things that was going on in my life at the time, it made me see that I was so young. So determine to see things cynically. Or childishly.

It's like a breath of fresh air.

It reminded me of how I loved to write but was not allowed to express fully how I feel, afraid that it would make 'someone' mad. Why do you put yourself out there, for the world to see? It's not a matter of wanting the world to see -- it's a mere effort to express my emotions and thoughts healthily. In a way where I'd love doing it. By writing.

We can be whoever we want to be in our writings. But it's not the reality. I hope I can still remember that. Our life, takes us wherever we want to go. Given that we put in a little effort. And more if we need to.

Reading about my past, it got me thinking. Be thankful that you're alive. For 21 years! You are alive and healthy. And for years to come, I really do hope so.

Until the next post.

Love, Aqi.