new horizon!

Bitter realization as I realize -- my world is too small. I need to discover that new horizon, that desperately drips in color for me to take a step towards it.

I havent been taking you on a walk with me. I was merely spinning around in one place. Trying to break free -- but too controlled to even step out of the spinning frenzy. Can I say 'no more'? I am not sure. Let's just say, I am open to new things and a new me.

Well, I am still going to be me, but a reinvented one.

I hope so.

So here's to the end of the year -- hopefully not the end of the world.

Cant wait to see what's waiting for me at the unveiling of the new horizon, lets pray for 2012. Lets make things happen.

Milow & Marit Larsen - Out of My Hands

Movies unwatched. Books piled in the room, with the pages still unturned. Listening to music without actually listening. Some things are just coming and going. Some things are just static and not moving. Thoughts are swirling in my already too pre-occupied mind. I am trying to make sense of things. I wish it was easier, but it never is. I am not sure as to why, it hurts.. So, this month started great but now my walls are thickening and it is closing in. I dont blame anyone. This is all me. It is just my way of reacting to your silence.

What is becoming of me? I need to shake myself awake and focus. I need to find myself. This is not me. I am not weak.

I hope I am wrong about you -- but something tells me that I dont want to find out. Im too scared to even try. It's out of my hands.

"I made the call just too late,I just thought I could wait for one more day, in the time that passed, you went down so fast."

"Out of my reach, out of my hands, I didn't understand, I would have changed all my plans."

"At four a.m., some battles fought are battles won, but this ain't one of them, one more shadow cast, you went down so fast."

"I let you go."

Goodnight.

why do you have to stand there?

Hhhmmmm. So many train of thoughts in my head.

Session One Complete Hey Hey!

Finished photographing all of the models for the club yesterday night. Phew. They were a handful but it was all good. It was hectic as I was running around to find heels for the ones that are either wearing one inch heels,wedges or forgot to bring one. Seriously? It's suppose to be a model sort-of-casting, and they're wearing one inch heels? I could walk in those in my sleep. They need to learn to walk in 5 to 6 inch heels or they're not going to be handling the catwalk that well. We havent booked that much shows nowadays for the lack of time and source, so if any of you wants to give us a shot, just PM me. :)

We're going to have another session for the photo shoot. Not sure when, but lets just see how things goes in the Ramadhan. Whether we have the time or not. Sekretariat Rakan Muda are going to have a convoy to the orphanages around Malacca, so the club is probably joining that. I am not sure what the other clubs are doing, so can't really say much about our upcoming events.

Tonight there will be an audition for TOLONG Theater. I want to be there to support the committees and the people who are auditioning, but I have an exam on tmrw morning. So im not sure if it'll be OK to go. The football match is tonight right? If I am not mistaken? Oh well, we'll just see how it goes.

Gotta get ready. It's a brand new day. Need to head to campus to find the club's advisor and then see Kak Nita to pass up all of our club's documents. Agh. Then study for the exam. I need a miracle, because I am all tense and agitated.

Be a better you, will you?

It's annoying how people tell you off on something, and in fact they're not all that different from you. I mean, yeah I get it. You have your opinions, but I dont want to hear them if you dont apply them yourself. Everyone keeps on saying that I am someone who they can critic all they want, but I would just push it aside and not get offended. The truth is, I am only human -- I feel as much as you do. There's no excuse in you telling me all these things just because you know I can take it. Yeah, I dont argue much. I'd rather listen and put it away to the back of my head. If it's a good advice, then I'll put it to use, but it you're just making me feel like a ticking bomb then yeah, I wouldn't even bother to remember what you said to me just a few seconds ago. I know what I am like, do you know what you're like?

I am so tired of all the work that I have to put up with when the person who should be doing it comes up with excuses. Come on, I have other things to do too. Can't you be at least a little bit considerate to someone who's already covered your ass countless of times, already? If everyone finishes their task, then there wouldnt be a ny problem. Am I holding two jobs right now? No, right? So do your job so I can do mine and have some little time for myself. AGH.

When I do something, I try to make the best of it. The effort. That's important. At least if I had to do something, I could go all out. It tires me out, but if I am satisfied, then that's all that matters. Would you be happy if your work is not up to your satisfactory? I dont think so. So if you ever have to do something, put as much effort in it as you can possibly put in. It'll be worth it.

Tomorrow's exam is cancelled! Yeay! So I have some time to rest my aching head before the exam on Friday. Was thinking of joining the E'Bee Rovers Scout's Clinic about bein a scout, but I'm not sure. They've been supportive of us, it's the least that we can do to support them. I never thought I would be interested in learning on how to be a scout. I had friends who were Scouts when I was in highschool, but that's an entirely different story.

Im going to read a book before hitting the sack. Until next time.

I am feeling a little nostalgic tonight.

Louder Than Thunder by The Devil Wears Prada.

What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet, like the snow.
And I know this isn't much but,
I know I could I could be better.

I don't think I deserve it
Selflessness.
Find your way into my heart.
All stars could be brighter.
All hearts could be warmer.

What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet, like the snow.
Are we meant to be empty handed?
I know I could I could be better.

I don't think I deserve it
Selflessness.
Find your way into my arms.
All stars could be brighter.
All hearts could be warmer.

What would it take for things to be quiet?

Tiny Heart

Tiny Heart by Flyleaf

Matters of the heart are so complicated. There's never a right or wrong way to approach it, because nothing is definite when it comes to it. Im feeling melancholic nowadays. I feel like my head is too tired to think about anything that there is to think about. I'm being irrational and I dont think that there's nothing wrong with it. Ah who cares. Sod it!

Think positive stuffs. Next post shall be more enthusiastic :)