Lights will guide you home.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I am writing this while listening to Fix You by Coldplay. Maybe you should read this while listening to it. Im not sure of where to start or to begin. I am not even sure how this will end. All I know is that I feel like writing it. I am also not sure if I am hormonal right now to be feeling so down. I guess, it's the repetition of the actions and the situations that I am always getting myself into these few weeks or days. I cannot remember. All I know is that I am feeling too tired. To feel, to care, to actually make this better. To make myself feel better. I keep thinking that maybe I am just too caught up in my feelings. Do you know that feeling? When you try to cry, but you cant -- because it's just too tiring. Repetitions make things perfect, you get so used to it that you can no longer feel surprised or feel anything at all. Sometimes this can benefit you, but what if it makes you feel like you're hurting all the time. Not even feeling it anymore, but you just feel numb. Like everything doesn't matter anymore. I used to think that whatever I do, I had to do it. It's part of the universe's plan for myself. That I dont have a choice. I just have to embrace it.

I always thought about the things I hold dear. That I believe in. This is what I value most, that "Everything happens for a reason." Even when it doesn't make sense to me now, I always remind myself that there's a bigger picture. I sometimes think of what it feels like to be in someone else's life or shoes. What does it feel like? Everything around me comes to a blur now. It's like I'm running with you, but then you stumble and I have to stop to look over my shoulder and then we'd be running again. I think I've been good. Just a few things that I want for myself. It might not always involve you, but then again -- it's my life. Right? I have a right to live it the way I would want to -- right?

Age plays a very big importance to me. I keep thinking that I might run out of time. To live like it's your last.. Isnt that what it's all about? Being yourself. Doing whatever you want to do. I might sound selfish, but Im not like you. I dont think that it's selfish. No, I dont think that I have to explain my every actions. I dont want to feel like Im smothered. I want to fly. I want to taste life. I want to touch the sky, and fall from that very sky. I want to go up and I want to go down. Why should I carry the emotional burden of someone else? I dont think I am ready for it. Did I make a mistake? i dont think meeting you was a mistake. I think it was a blessing. You're the greatest -- but shouldnt I feel great? I think right now, I feel like there's a big boulder on my shoulder. The weight of it tires me.

Do I feel alive right now? Sometimes. You know what? You can never get everything that you want. I cant help but feel that it's not right. I cannot say it. Im too scared. Is it going to be my biggest mistake? Probably. I love you. It tires me. Just living tires me. Breathing is hard when I try to think about this. Melodramatic? Oh well, that's your oppinion.

I'm tired. I'm always tired. I remember those times in my past where I am in the situation where I am now. Is it any different? I think it is. The person it involves matters. It's different. I will always know it in my heart it's different. Im not sure of what I want to do right now. All I know is that I dont want this.

"Lights will guide you home, and ignites your bones."

Fix me.

Goodnight loves.