Seul Ou Accompagné

You know what. I've been feeling a bit down these couple of days. It comes and go. Sometimes even the thoughts that are inside my head -- it doesnt feel real. Like someone put it there just to torture me. For me to feel this depressed and sad. Oh well.. Right now all I can think of is that -- I need to open my eyes. I need to be happy. i need to feel like I am alive, no matter what. I have to not give up and just smile. I have to do everything that I can to make myself smile. That's all I can do. I've been trying not to cry for so long, that my chest hurts. Like I'm trying to breathe but there's not enough space for my lungs to fill with air. I'm sorry. I'm being very vague. I dont really write whatever that I think is too personal, and I think a lot of things are too private to me. That's why I only write of what I feel, but not the reasons as to why I feel it.

So.. Here are the updates about Bandung. I was supposed to take the flight on Monday but I had to take the one on Tuesday due to the complications that my mom and I faced. Our passports was less than 6 months from the date we were suppose to renew it. Didnt know it was a big deal. So we had to go to Putrajaya HQ to make a new one. It was pretty inconvenient. It was hot and I was so tired, but we managed to get it done in an hour or so. After sending my Dad home, so he could go to work -- my mom and I went to Sunway Pyramid to eat. We spent some time shopping and I bought some clothes from Dorothy Perkins. My mom bought this Camel Tribal Print Harems, and I loved it. Decided to get one myself. I laughed my ass off when my mom bought herself another one and said it's really comfortable so she's using them as her pajama pants. I love the harems, it's really comfortable.

On tuesday we flew to Bandung. I dont really think I'm suitable for Indonesian weather or the place itself. I was air sick, car sick and just sick all the way. It's a wonderful place though. Didnt have that much time to explore but I would definitely go again. Im thinking of flying there again with my childhood friends. Most of them are working, so they can save some money up. I went to Paris Van Java, thought that it was a nice place to just hang out without doing anything much. The hotel that I stayed in was called G.H Universal. You can look it up at google. It's a really beautiful hotel. I wish I could have stayed there for as long as I could. The people there were also very nice. I have some pictures but I haven't transferred them. So, this one is from my twitter. I took this picture from the lobby.

I dont really know what else to write about Bandung. I think if I can go anywhere in Indonesia tomorrow -- i would really like to see Bali. I really want to go to Bandung with my bestfriends, but I'd love to fly to Bali with my boyf. It would be fun to explore Bali with him :)

So moving on! I cut my damn hair off the day before yesterday. Gah. I hate it. Told the hairdresser not to cut that much since i still want to keep my curls. No, she didnt care what it meant to me when she chopped the curls off. :(:( I went to Curve to meet my friends and they said it looked OK. Even my boyf said it was OK, and that he loved it. Well, he loves everything so I am not taking his judgment into account. It's so hard to take care of. Yeah sure it looked fine after it was blow-dried PROFESSIONALLY. Me? I am no professional. I am the laziest person to be doing these stuffs. I loved my curls because I dont even need to do anything much. It looks good as it is. That's a lesson for me to not go on cutting my hair in just any salons. My hair is really thick and it tends to frizz. I can never get a good haircut until I went to this salon back in JB. It was a miracle that they made my hair manageable. From now on, I wont trust just anyone to cut my hair. The next time I want to cut my hair, I'm going to drive my ass off to JB. Even if the damn place is expensive. It's a pain to have good hair. So now I am looking for a good hair dryer or a straightener. A lot of reviews that are good mostly are for GHD, CHI and BabyBliss. Im not sure if they're available here in Malaysia. I can find any reviews on the ones that are sold in Malaysia. It's frustrating! So if you have any suggestions, please please please tell me :) So here is the picture of myself after the haircut, it looks good because it's blow dried. -__-

Im also considering using Redken. The 300ml bottle cost around RM50. I think that's a good price for a shampoo and conditioner. So what do you guys think about Redken? Are they any good? Im going to use the Redken Extreme line. I am also looking for Redken Extreme CAT Spray. I heard that it's a really good product. You use it after shampooing and before the conditioner. I cant seem to find it anywhere. For the heat protection product, Im thinking of trying the OSiS Flatline Iron Serum. Looks good but I dont know, anyone care to give me the review? I think it's not that expensive. For now, Im not using the hair straightener. I just bought the ceramic brush from Body Shop. Going to try it tmrw after washing my hair with Dove conditioner.

Right now my boyfriend is not speaking to me. I cant actually call him because my phone is barred. I just want to say that I love him. I dont know what will happen to us. I mean no can ever know what their future lies. But right now, I love him. The future? Lets just take one step at a time. *sigh* If you're reading this, then -- I am so sorry that I cant be what you want me to be. I cant give you whatever that is you want from me. Im sorry if you think that all I care is about myself. But you know what? At 23, and with everything that is in my head and everything that I want -- you cant really blame me. I need to do the things that I love without having to always think about other people. I told you to do the same. Live! You're still young and I'd like to think that I am still young too. Right now, all we can do is try to live. Before our roads narrow down and all we are left with are our careers and the dreaded adulthood. I think I have this plan in my head. Like a 5 year plan kind of thing. :) A career, a new car, a land to build a home and showering the parents with gifts. I dont need emotional burdens, I have enough of tiresome thoughts to last me a lifetime.