Saturday, November 22, 2008


Ah yes,I wonder when it's gonna come.

*SNEEZE* Yeap. Definitely a flu.

My nose is runny. Eyes watery and burning. Head throbbing.

So much for my kick-ass antibodies.

I dont know why.. But I welcome this. Flu? Hell yeah!

-.- Goodnight.

*Captain Sleepyhead snuggling under the blankets*

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

white walls and red paint in hand.

Since I'm not sleeping.. I feel like writing this --

No. Dont tell me that I am not alone and that you will always be here for me. Dont tell me that you are always thinking of my well being. Dont tell me that I'm too secretive and that I need to open up to people. No. Dont tell me that everything will be OK and that you know it's going to be OK. No. I dont talk because,YES, you're never there. Yes,Im secretive because there wasnt a time to talk about it to you. My time is never a good time for you. My problems is not as significant to yours. And No,I dont need you to tell me everything will be OK. I'll be the judge of that. And yes,my problems are my problems. Dont stay once and think that you did a good job. I dont need it.

Maybe it's in my nature to not talk about it. I get it,sometimes I'm just hard to deal with and people just get tired of it. Sometimes those words that can mean alot,cant escape my mouth,and I have no hidden explanation for it. I cant explain how my mind works. I avoid and that's my favourite solution.

Maybe it's a call for help? One that I know wont come.
And the cant-explain part of me says, 'To hell with it,i dont need it'. Reading Jane Austen makes me feel like maybe.... it's pride? Damn.

art imitates life. life is a work of art.

I wonder how long it has been. I wonder how far i've got. I wonder where my head is now. I cant sleep. I cant think much of anything. I cant decide on what to do. I cant decide based on how I feel. Because despite of the rush of emotions that I feel,it feels empty. My mind is like an empty black abyss. Where everything is not where it's suppose to be. Humans have this dark hole inside their chest where nothing can fill it. Nothing. I think mine is getting bigger and bigger. It's just a matter of time before it consumes me.

Yes,that sounds... very Emo. And yes,Ew. Oh what the heck. I cant sleep so maybe my head is burned out. Dont hold it against me.

Last words I've been meaning to write --

I am NOT weak. I HATE being weak. You want full swing? Hell. I'll give you full swing.

I guess as long as I'm aiming towards that goal,I can distract myself from everything else. Right. Distract myself. From everything I'm not ready to think about.

I wish that it would just bite the dust and go away. Stupid stupid feelings and thoughts.

Shit,I feel lethargic. No sleep. No sleep. No sleep. I told you my brain is burned out.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

simply beautiful.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A quote from Thumper.

I just have one thing in mind that I need to say.

"If you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all."

I think the first time I heard it was when I was alot younger watching Bambi. Yes,Bambi. Thumper said it,if Im not mistaken. I think it was a very wise thing to say. I try growing up keeping this in mind.

Sarcasm and jokes are fine at times. But I think shutting your mouth is better. How would you feel if the comment is directed to you. And do you ever stop to think that maybe it's really hurtful? Having a good sense of humour is a good thing,but that doesnt mean you can laugh EVERYTHING off. So please,think before you speak. Your words might cost someone their life. Have you ever heard of peer pressure?


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

pain in the ass.

I hate period pains. If you know what a pain in the ass it is then you should know mine kick the other pains' asses!


I want to write more but I think I'll save it for later. I knowww. I shouldnt have written anything at all.

I miss my bestfriend. That someone I can talk to. I have loads to tell. But I cant,because I broke his heart. I guess this is what I get..