Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What does not kill you, makes you stronger.

I feel like writing this up. Nothing personal. Just my own oppinion.

I've asked this myself years ago. How can you change your feelings abruptly? How can you just throw away how you felt towards someone in just a blink of an eye? How do you do that? I have never really known the answer -- until now. It still bugs me how someone can make you love them and then just breaks your heart without even a tiny glance back at all those months, days and minutes that you have spent together. I know that you are hurting, but I love you -- we all do. So please, stop it. Stop putting salt into your wound and let it break you apart. I know it hurts. I feel it when I look at you. It hurts me too, because you are one of my close friends now. We may not have years of friendship, but still we're good friends now. Every time that tear falls down your face, I look away because I don't have any words that you want to hear to make it better. I know you dont want to hear it from me, instead you wait to hear it from him. It's not right, it's not fair, but I need you to be strong and I will hold out my hand to you whenever you need me. Just to make sure you cross this bridge safe and sound.

It's not about who is stalking who, I think that the only thing right now is the truth. The faster you find the truth, the faster you get over it. Im sorry if 'you' feel like this is us making 'you' feel terrible but then again, 'you' are involved. So stop trying to wriggle your way out, and own up to it. Just like you feel like we're not owning up to it. We are, so yeah let's just get this over it. I dont mind.

And YOU, cant you just admit your mistakes and stop trying to make someone else feel that it's their mistakes. In this case, everyone who is involve made their own share of mistakes. Stop trying to look all innocent and nice when you know that you're not. This is not very nice. Why dont you be a man and face this. I hate people that act like it's not their fault and pin the blame on other people. Give her the answers that she deserves to hear. Instead of hiding behind a lie and run away from confrontations. You owe her this much, for making her feel like this.

What makes us strong? Is it the support from our family? Our friends? Our acquaintances? For me, I think it's from within ourselves. If we dont believe in it, then what's the point? There's no end to it if we just nod our head but not actually believing it in our hearts. When you learn to forgive yourselves for our mistakes, and to really learn from our mistakes -- only then we can move on. I always hold onto the thought of 'Everything has it's own reasons'. God doesnt give us more than what we can handle. If it doesnt kill us, then we can find it in ourselves to get through it. Look back and think of all the times that you never really understood why things happen, and think about all of the reasons for it to happen now. We'd find that there's always a reason to everything. It may not be clear as crystal at the time it happened, but years from now, it'll make sense. You just have to live your life to the fullest, even when life kicks you down. You'll learn to let go, and accept things as it is -- because when you least expected it, something better comes along. Don't just wait for it to happen, make it happen. It's liberating, it's refreshing, it's a breath of fresh air.

If he goes around talking shit behind your back, then you should know he's not the one for you. You deserve better. Maybe one day he'll look back and see how cruel he was to you, but don't wait for that day. You got a good 50 years ahead of you to look forward to. With one less useless person in your life. Hey, that's a positive thing right? "Setiap awan ada line kelabunya." HAHAHAHA. :D Positive thinking is the key. When you're positive, then everything feels great. When you can laugh about a simple thing someone says or do, that's the best feeling in the world. When you can throw your head back and laugh as much as you can, nothing can beat that feeling.

Mark Twain quoted, "There is nothing sadder than a young pessimist." We're only in our twenties, we got time to be the best that we can be. Dont worry about people liking you. When you feel good about yourself and you can be the best that you can be, that's more attractive than any beauty can hold.

Im pretty exhausted. Im not sure if I have written all that I can write. Maybe there's more, I'm just too knackered to type them now. So will you please excuse me, I better hit the sack. Sorry for any typos or grammar errors. I frigging hate those.

Goodnight! =_='

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A second one? Oh wow.

Ok, so today I am feeling slightly exhausted and yeah, yeah I know -- it's mostly my fault. I can't face a challenge and just back down. I kicked Math's ass last night. It took me a while because it has been a while since I solved a math's problem. I'm surprised that I got it in the end. When I look at it now.. Naahhhh, it wasn't that hard. It was a piece of RT pastry yummy cake. Easy as an apple crumble pie. God, I feel like my sweet tooth is acting up. I miss Fida's birthday cake. It was DELICIOUS, and note that I capitalize the word? Because it was THAT delish. It was a good thing we stuck to the plan. The plan B was not that bad, since the back up bakery was THE bakery we were actually searching for.

I have dance practices non-stop until next week. O_O' I just hope I can remember all those steps. It's alot and everything is running around in my head, I'm not so sure where it begins and where it ends. Haha. I think I'll practice alone a bit later. Oh, I asked my close friends to drop by Malacca on Christmas hols. I hope they'd come! It would be so much fun. I'd take them to the best foods and then take them to places for some exploring. I haven't even hung out with them here since the day I started studying here. I think Fida came once, and Mye came by, but that's all.

I'm trying not to eat rice for a couple of weeks. I am effing fat! I don't feel comfortable. So, right now I am trying to watch what I eat. Anyway, that's one of the best things about living at home alone. Just like the 'ol times. I can just stop eating and people would never notice. :D I wonder how i got the drive to stop eating when I was 15. I mean, it's so frigging hard! I bet that if I can do it years ago, Im pretty sure i can do it now. I mean, I'm still the same person. Slightly heavier, though. Agh. I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Feeling restless and heavy all the time. No, starting from this week, I'm watching what I eat.

P/S : If any of my bestfriends, or family is reading this. I was only joking. OK?

Resolutions? I've been singing about resolutions for a year now, and still I have no resolutions for next year that I haven't made years before and still not achieved. *sigh* I better clean up my act if I want to be someone one day. Starting next week, I am going to have clear goals. If a certain circumstances arise -- then it's safe to say I can hide under the covers for another week, :( Oh well, baby steps.

Bread & cheese again today. That's all. I need a Redbull or Coffee. -_-'

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

After such a long time.

Hi, I guess I am like a ghost now. I haven't been updating my blog in ages. I can't remember the last time I even opened it. I'm not sure why I am updating it now, but here I am typing away. So many things happened in the course of my absence. Every single day is filled with something. I guess as I near the end of the year, I feel like updating and looking forward to next year. I guess, you can say that I am trying to start fresh. I feel like things have been slipping away, I hope I can hold on to it long enough before everything falls around me in a mess. Above my head hovers the unmistakable dark cloud. I hope the sun will come out soon.

Right now, I've celebrated tons of birthdays including mine, I've gone through some ups and downs, I've grown tired and restless and I feel like turning a new leaf.

Also, I am currently training for a competition in traditional dance that would be held somewhere in January. I am a nervous wreck. Despite all of the negative energy and the scoldings from the choreographer, I think I am happy with it. I love dancing, and I suck at it. But with training, I hope I'll improve. Even if it is traditional dance. I am not kidding you when I say, the dance is pretty cute. HAHA.

I started tweeting just a few minutes ago, I have 11 followers. Lame right? HAHA. I am so not good in these things. I mean, even people who knows me doesn't give a damn about my life. Oh well, here's to being optimistic. :)

I'll update more when I have the time. I feel like some bread & cheese. Mhhmm.