Friday, December 26, 2008

Long sleeved colarred button shirt.

I just realize something. Something weird. Something random. Something so unimportant but it made me laugh.

"Pkai kemeja lipat kat lengan?" DAAANG. Haha. That's kinda hot.

Ok that was random and I know it sounds like WTF? But I just realize that it looks good. Usually I only see it on my brothers and yes,yuck for me to say they look hot. So when it's on someone else. Well,it looks good. So guys. If you want to look nice,wear one. Haha.

That's all for this. Ok I'm just stating an oppinion. To use this against me is just wrong.

Bye.

(Too lazy to find pictures. Maybe later. Or probably never? Haha.)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

.no more letting out.

Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Eyes wide open and heart poached and prodded.
I inhale,the scent of new beginnings.
I exhale the pain of lost memories.
The scars run deep,with little mercy.
I kick and scream,but only in my mind.
I kick. I scream.
I did.

I dont know what more I can write. Without someone taking it and using it against me. I dont write controversies. And yet,I feel like I cant write anymore. I miss writing. About everything. But I dont think I can anymore. Damn it.

Bye bye.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

.where has it all gone to.

I could never understand what goes on in a person's head. How they would think. How they would interpret things. How they process a feeling and react to it they way they do. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. No matter what other people say,they will do what is comfortable to them. People tend to pick their safest route and stick to it. Maybe,sometimes they will think out of the box and do something out of the ordinary and the end result? Who knows. It can turn out to be good or it can turn ugly. I think it's easy to read people,but I just don't get them. I just.. don't. 

Im trying. Real hard here. To just let go. Im letting go. Because so far,there's nothing to look back to. Nothing changed and I think I already knew that it never will. I guess there's nothing left but to just look ahead. 

I think I cried for nothing. Nothing at all. I was wrong to think that maybe I made a mistake. It's not fair but it's the way it is. I just have to deal with it. No more weak moments. I have to give this my all. All the energy I have. So that I could move ahead. Just get over it,and no turning back.

If I can remember that. Then maybe,I'll be just fine. 

"I am the master of my fate,
  I am the captain of my soul."
  -William E. Henley.

I wish I had that spark back. 

Saturday, November 22, 2008

SNOT.

Ah yes,I wonder when it's gonna come.

*SNEEZE* Yeap. Definitely a flu.

My nose is runny. Eyes watery and burning. Head throbbing.

So much for my kick-ass antibodies.

I dont know why.. But I welcome this. Flu? Hell yeah!

-.- Goodnight.

*Captain Sleepyhead snuggling under the blankets*

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

white walls and red paint in hand.

Since I'm not sleeping.. I feel like writing this --

No. Dont tell me that I am not alone and that you will always be here for me. Dont tell me that you are always thinking of my well being. Dont tell me that I'm too secretive and that I need to open up to people. No. Dont tell me that everything will be OK and that you know it's going to be OK. No. I dont talk because,YES, you're never there. Yes,Im secretive because there wasnt a time to talk about it to you. My time is never a good time for you. My problems is not as significant to yours. And No,I dont need you to tell me everything will be OK. I'll be the judge of that. And yes,my problems are my problems. Dont stay once and think that you did a good job. I dont need it.

Maybe it's in my nature to not talk about it. I get it,sometimes I'm just hard to deal with and people just get tired of it. Sometimes those words that can mean alot,cant escape my mouth,and I have no hidden explanation for it. I cant explain how my mind works. I avoid and that's my favourite solution.

Maybe it's a call for help? One that I know wont come.
And the cant-explain part of me says, 'To hell with it,i dont need it'. Reading Jane Austen makes me feel like maybe.... it's pride? Damn.

art imitates life. life is a work of art.

I wonder how long it has been. I wonder how far i've got. I wonder where my head is now. I cant sleep. I cant think much of anything. I cant decide on what to do. I cant decide based on how I feel. Because despite of the rush of emotions that I feel,it feels empty. My mind is like an empty black abyss. Where everything is not where it's suppose to be. Humans have this dark hole inside their chest where nothing can fill it. Nothing. I think mine is getting bigger and bigger. It's just a matter of time before it consumes me.

Yes,that sounds... very Emo. And yes,Ew. Oh what the heck. I cant sleep so maybe my head is burned out. Dont hold it against me.

Last words I've been meaning to write --

I am NOT weak. I HATE being weak. You want full swing? Hell. I'll give you full swing.

I guess as long as I'm aiming towards that goal,I can distract myself from everything else. Right. Distract myself. From everything I'm not ready to think about.

I wish that it would just bite the dust and go away. Stupid stupid feelings and thoughts.

Shit,I feel lethargic. No sleep. No sleep. No sleep. I told you my brain is burned out.

Bye.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

simply beautiful.




^.^

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A quote from Thumper.

I just have one thing in mind that I need to say.

"If you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all."

I think the first time I heard it was when I was alot younger watching Bambi. Yes,Bambi. Thumper said it,if Im not mistaken. I think it was a very wise thing to say. I try growing up keeping this in mind.

Sarcasm and jokes are fine at times. But I think shutting your mouth is better. How would you feel if the comment is directed to you. And do you ever stop to think that maybe it's really hurtful? Having a good sense of humour is a good thing,but that doesnt mean you can laugh EVERYTHING off. So please,think before you speak. Your words might cost someone their life. Have you ever heard of peer pressure?


Goodnight.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

pain in the ass.

I hate period pains. If you know what a pain in the ass it is then you should know mine kick the other pains' asses!

Hmm.

I want to write more but I think I'll save it for later. I knowww. I shouldnt have written anything at all.

I miss my bestfriend. That someone I can talk to. I have loads to tell. But I cant,because I broke his heart. I guess this is what I get..

Goodnight.

Friday, October 31, 2008

endorphin kicking in.

I went for a walk and a run today. As usual,my lack of stamina never surprise me. I ran a couple of minutes and stopped with a heart burn and eyes blurry. I need to remember that running when I havent been running for a while spells trouble. Heck,I wasnt an athlete to start with. Oh well. As usual,it left me feeling a bit better. The fresh air and the pumped heart elevated my mood. Breeze walking took my mind away from the whirlpool of thoughts. But I admit that I really wish I could just run.. And only stop when I feel like stopping. Damn this body! I guess I just need time to adjust. It'll get better in a few days. Maybe tomorrow I should bring some music with me.

Anyone for Paintball? I feel like it. I dont mind getting hit. I forgot how it felt being hit by one of those things. Just not the head,please.

Katy Perry :) Loooovveeeee.

Nite nite -.-

Thursday, October 30, 2008

*blink blink* -.-'

I've been writing random things on scraps of paper thinking that it might worth something one day. Or maybe it'll go into the dustbin. Either way,it's precious to me. If I can make something of it,I will.

The days are humid and hot these days. I have never perspired this much by just sitting around the house. I feel sticky and irritated that my head feels like exploding. My eyes feels awfully dry and at times it'll get too watery for my comfort. For the people who has spent countless times with me,you'd know that watery eyes
doesnt really mean I'm sad or I'm crying. I guess to me it's normal. Sometimes I feel like maybe I havent cried enough. The ceiling fan doesnt do any justice. It's still frigging hot. At least at the sauna you can get a massage after. Anyone for a massage?

I feel like Sushi. I dont know. Just a craving. Maybe later. Doesnt feel like writing much tonight. Although there are some things I feel like getting off my chest. I guess it'll just have to wait. I talked to old friends and sometimes I feel like I miss them but.. I dont know. I feel like eventhough they're still the people I go to if there's anything. I feel oddly disconnected. Like we've changed so much.. And there's no way we can be like we were when we were kids. I miss those.. memories. We were like glued to each other. Despite having to go to different schools we were still pretty close. I feel like now.. Things will never be the same. And I will always miss that. Through the dramas and fights and tears and laughter.. As far as girlfriends go. They're mine.

I guess I can be hard sometimes. That doesnt mean that I dont want someone to at least come over with food and a smiling face to not ask,but to just be there. When Ema said she threw a friend a suprise birthday party,she said she never received one. Just the giver. I realized I never got one either. Sometimes I wonder.. maybe I wasnt such a good friend? It makes me think. Am I never going to have people like that in my life?

I better go. Bye bye.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sleepy.

I once heard a beautiful sound from the music room,
A unity of voices singing cheerfully,
A happy song,they were singing,
But still it sounded sad to me.

So I stayed around for the music,
Closing my eyes as I breathe it in,
The people walking pass doesnt even notice,
How beautiful it is to me that happiness still exist.

Thoughts start to cloud my head,
And I lost interest in all of it,
As I walk away passing the music room,
Looking inside..
I realize that happiness is what you make of it.

Self Inflicted.

Im chasing after something that I am not even sure if it's the best thing for me. 

I realize that whatever happens to me has this tag that says "I happen for a reason." I sometimes just want to rip it to pieces so that it wouldnt remind me of my mistakes and regrets. I am hard to deal with,sometimes. I sometimes dont even want to deal with myself,so I shut it all away and avoid thinking about it. Until it's too late. I am spontaneous. I am someone who doesnt plan ahead and I am the kind of person who runs into the airport and misses the plane. I eat my food in a gulp as if it's my last meal. I am also the person who avoid the hunger pang just because I feel disgusted with myself. I forgot about the most important things at the most important time. I look back and sigh. All those years behind me.. were they just a waste of time and a disappointment?

I walk on those memories that left me this gaping wound. Would I die if emotional wounds are as real as physical wounds? Would it even matter?

It's been years since there were red scars on my wrist. I start to wonder. Did it really made it go away? What I felt. The tears. The hurt. And the frustration of it all. Did it went away when the blade cuts through my skin. I wonder.. I cant remember what it felt like. Did I even felt anything? The scars remind me of how young I was. How naive I was to the world. 

I am on a journey to self discovery. Who I was,who I am and who I will be. Everyone evolves. It's just human nature. But I dont think the heart of a person changes.. It makes us who we are. 




Saturday, October 25, 2008

i walk on a thin line.

I know I might not be the nicest person. Or the brightest. Or the one who can make everyone around her smile. I know I am not alot of things. I also know that the 'alot of things' that I lack,makes me more flawed than ever. Admitting you're defeated might be easy for some people who are more passive towards life. Admitting I am defeated is sometimes out of the question for me. Why start if you dont even think that you could win? I am highly competitive,but only in things that I'm sure that I'm good at. Finally realizing that life wont give you apples and instead give you lemons,when you wanted an apple.. Makes me think.. Life is a bitch. No matter how far you run. Or how deep you swim into the ocean. Nothing is ever enough. You have to run further! Swim deeper! Going after what I want.. is like chasing my own shadow. Being who I am,doesnt help making things easier. Inconsistent! Fickle minded! Paranoid! Unconfident! Sometimes I wonder.. How the hell did I survive all these years.

I keep on thinking.. Every cloud has a silver lining. Being optimistic is harder than I thought. Smiling when I wish I died.. Is something that I just did. 


Monday, September 15, 2008

.fly aqi,fly.

I wish I can fly,
So that I can soar through the sky,
And all my worries and woes left behind,
So that I can feel more alive.

*drawing picture of myself flying*

Sunday, July 20, 2008

.thin drama.

This is also not breaking news. And it sure is not new.

I need to lose weight. I need to be thin!

So I have a few ideas running through my head.

Working my ass off
I can workout every single day. Run a few miles. Jog around every evening for an hour or so. Do sit ups everyday. Push ups. You name it. Climb a mountain for all its worth. The thing is,im not really an athlete. I have low stamina. I cant stand the heat. I get dizzy if I run nonstop. So I tend to stop alot. The only good thing is how it makes me feel after the workout. The feeling of lightness. The feeling of freshness. It's nice. I tend to build muscles if I work out. I dont really like it,but it makes me stronger so that's nice.

Dieting
Eat veggies. More lean meat. Eat less oily food. No fast food. More fruits. Less carbs. More greentea. More fluid. Dieting is like a routine. You take note of what you eat,and you stick to your plan. That's the problem. I dont do well with routine. Im not consistent. I'd like to try a diet that would actually work,but I just dont see it.

Starve?
Don't eat at all. Just drink all day long. Chew gum or something. Think of something else when you're hungry or go to sleep. This is considered anorexic. I guess. :P Some say I used to be one. I dont think I was. But I used to do this when I was 15. I still think I was not that thin. Really! I was not. Hmm. *thinking* This is sort of hard to pull off now that I'm constantly at home,where my parents are always around. So I cant really tell them I've eaten when it's obvious I havent. I'll think of something.

Throw up?
Being bulimic? Haha. Ok. I hate vomit. So this is out of the question.

Take drugs?
No way. Although I think this is the quickest. Be a cokehead and you'll look like Kate Moss. But I'll pass. I dont want to be an addict. I dont want to melt my brain and fry my brain.

Agh. I need to lose about 14 pounds.

FAST.


Friday, July 18, 2008

.newstands.

Not a breaking news,but..

I woke up early today. Around noon. And that's considered early,since I always wake up in the evening. I'm trying not to go to sleep,but Im sleepy! Im trying to change my biological clock. I think my being nocturnal(im not sure if that's correct grammar),is making me sick. Im not even feeling hungry nowadays,I just forcefeed myself so that I wont look like an anoroxic in front of my parents,or if Im bored. My face is bloated and my eyes feels so dry. *yawn*

*yawn* again.

I better go. My dry eyes are leaking from all the yawning.

Later.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

.it's wednesday,woohoo.

I had my first keyboard lesson today. Well,technically yesterday since it's 4.20 am. It was fun. It's fun since I can play any song I want and learn at the same time. So,yeay! Next lesson I have to bring along a notebook for notes,my own keyboard and some music sheets. I can pick any song I want! :D

Im trying to figure out what songs that I want to play later in class. Hmm. *thinking happily*

Oh yeah,Im going to Kota Kinabalu with my dad on the 25th. Mama and Jarf said that the beach is awesome. Maybe I can go and go snorkelling or something. :D I hope there are tons of things to do. I can meet Eiz. Yeay.

Im thinking of making a photopage. But I'm just too lazy to take pictures,but I feel like making one. Oh well. I'll just post pictures when I feel like it.

I'm yawning but I'm not sleepy. :P

Goodnight!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

music to my ear!

I'm listening to In Another Life and This Love by The Veronicas,Feel This by Bethany Joy Galeotti,and Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillatt. :)

I've been searching for a decent video of The Charmed theme song. I still love this song. It's called How Soon Is Now by The Smiths. It was written by Morissey and Johnny Marr in 1984,and released by their band The Smiths. Other performances are by Love Spit Love and The T.A.T.U. I kind of forgot about it for ages,and then a few weeks ago when Anip was in JB,it was aired on Singapore's radio. I sang along since I can still remember some of the lyrics. Among other songs like Celebrity Skin by Hole. And a few songs from Radiohead. Now,why cant the Malaysian's radio air songs like that. :)

Here are the vids :

This is from The Smiths.



Note: This is from The Smiths' album Meat Is Murder.

This is From T.A.T.U.



Note : I like this version too. Although it is much more high-pitched.

I cant find a video of this song from Love Spit Love. Oh well. This will do. I found a live performance by The Smiths,but the person who posted the video disable the embedding button. If you find that this song is really nice,and want to see The Smiths perform it live,then go to youtube.com and search for it. :)

I love the line that goes..

"You shut your mouth,
How can you say,
I go about things the wrong way,
I am human and I need to be loved,
Just like everybody else does."

So people,there is no right way or wrong way when it comes to love. Just be thankful that you are loved and can love. We can't fight who we fall in love with. Love makes the world go 'round right? Well,in an unrealistic and optimistic way.

Bye!

feeling nostalgic!

I just finished watching 'The Princess Bride'. Here's a synopsis that I copied from IMDB since I'm way too lazy to write one myself.

"A kindly grandfather sits down with his grandson and reads him a bedtime story. The story is one that has been passed down through from father to son for generations. As the grandfather reads the story, the action comes alive. The story is a classic tale of love and adventure as the beautiful Buttercup is kidnapped and held against her will in order to marry the odious Prince Humperdinck, and Westley (her childhood beau, now returned as the Dread Pirate Roberts) attempts to save her. On the way he meets an accomplished swordsman and a huge, super strong giant, both of whom become his companions in his quest. They meet a few bad guys along the way to rescue Buttercup."

This is supposed to be an old movie. So it's a classic comedy. I find it funny at times,but mostly it's boring. The scene with the grandfather and the grandson at the end was sweet though,when he said "As you wish." Watch the movie to know what it means. :) But I don't recommend you to watch it more than once,i'm not sure if it's the lack of oxygen to my brain or if the movie was truly boring that I felt sleepy. I did munch on food for a while,it's supposed to make me less sleepy. I guess it didnt help. Oh well,it is five in the morning. I wonder if that's why I'm sleepy. :P

I feel nostalgic. I'm remembering all the movies I watched when I was younger. To list some :

1. Now and Then.
2. 3 Ninjas (All three movies)
3. Harriet The Spy.
4. The Little Women
5.
The Secret Garden.
6. The Little Princess.
7. Mathilda.
8.
Mary Poppins.
9. Casper.
10. Model Behavior.
11. Clueless.
12. She's All That.
13. Switching Goals.
14. It Takes Two.
15. The Adam's Family.
16. Home Alone (all of the movies)
17. Broke Down Palace.
18. Christmas Everyday.
19. Brink!
20. So weird (tv series)
21. I cant believe I forgot this! Haha. Flash forward!
22. Richie Rich.

That's some I guess. Haha. You might laugh,but these movies really interest me when I was younger. I was very close with my cousins at the time. I have 2 elder brothers and my cousins had a brother the same age as mine. So we'd trade places. Aizat comes to Kluang and stay for a while,and I took his place in KL. We'd watch those movies and act out scenes from the movies. Like the scene where Harriet and her classmates were playing in the park,and they keep running into each other. Each time they run into each other they'd throw the books they're holding high in the air. So we did that. Haha. We used to love riding on our bikes. Im not sure if it's from Now and Then,but we loved that movie. Even better when there's 4 of us. :D I used to love Roberta. She's the most tomboyish and I really think Christina Ricci is cute. Or maybe back then she was my fav because I'm a bit tomboyish.

Who can forget the three ninjas! Rocky,Colt and Tumtum. Haha. Casper is a classic! I love watching Casper cartoons. God. This is making me feel like a kid again. :P Not too much. Last week,The Little Princess is shown in HBO i think. I wanted to see it,but didnt get the chance. It's really nice. Harriet The Spy was also shown in TV i think. If you prefer reading,then The Little Princess,The Secret Garden and The Little Women are based on books. I have them,but cant remember where I put it. I shall look for them! Haha. I feel like some nostalgic reading. :) Christopher Pike's.. He intrigues me with his stories. Yes,they're fictions but I loved it nonetheless. There was one about Greek. It was really well plotted. Most of his books are. Then those Wiccan books. I was into those things too. I had two friends who was interested in them too. Haha. :D I was considered a freak. Oh well.

And who could forget Julie Andrews? You might know her from The Princess Diaries,but I love her in Mary Poppins. It's truly a classic that is worth watching. If you've seen The Nanny Diaries or Nanny McPhee. The part where they come flying with an umbrella in hand. Well,that's from Mary Poppins. Until now I can remember the word 'Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious'. Hahaha. I cant believe I can spell it. If anyone who's reading is puzzled and curious as to what it means,then dont bother. It doesnt really mean anything. As Disney puts it,it means 'a nonsense word meaning fantastic'. Oh well. I still love it though. And Scarlett Jo said it in The Nanny Diaries,when the boy told her the longest word. To me it was hilarious since I know it's not really a word. :P

Becca and Tucker from Flash Forward! You know the Burn Book from Mean Girls? There was already one from Flash Forward. I saw one episode once,for old time sake. It was the finale of the series. That's the only episode I can find online. Oh well. That's where I saw Ryan Gosling when he was younger,before he acted in Hercules. And then catapulted to fame in The Notebook. :P He's way older in that movie. Flash Forward is all about childhood friends and school life. It was the only thing that mattered back then. My childhood friends are my cousins,and we're still tight now. So yeay. :D

And not forgetting the TV Series such as Popular,Roswell,Dawson's Creek,Gilmore Girls etc. This post makes me see that,I watch too much TV when I was younger. HAHA.

Im tired. *yawn*

Later people.

P/S : I'm sure there are many typos,so forgive me.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

the A B and Cs,please.

I realized that I don't know the meaning to most words. It's frustrating. I thought my English was fine. Well,two minutes ago I thought "Oh hey,I'm really lousy. My English is below fine!"

I was looking for a dictionary,and surprise,surprise.. I cant find one. COOMMEEE ONNN! Not even one? I was turning the place upside down -with the exception of pausing to read old books that I doodled in- and,yeap.. zilch.

I always make a point to polish my grammar,but forgetting about vocabularies. I'm turning a new leaf! Im going to make it a point to learn a new word everyday or something. Im going to get myself a dictionary later.

I'm reading a book from Tony Parsons,and i keep getting stuck. I keep underlining the words that I dont quiet get and coming back later with the meaning and reading the sentence all over again,and then absent-mindedly say "Owhhhhh... So that's what it means."

I never knew I could be so intrigue with words. Haha. Somehow,they fascinates me. :D

Later. Cant wait to get a dictionary. How lamer can I sound. Woohoo!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

bad habits die hard.

This is so me to post something really late. Anyway,it's not like it was on purpose.
I tried logging into blogger the other day and the damn internet is so slow,it just pisses me off and I gave up trying to log in.
So here it is :

Happy Birthday Mama! WooHOO!

My Dad and I went to the florist to get her some roses and bought an ice cream cake which he knew I'd be the one finishing. We took her to Selasih here in JB and suprised her with the flowers. She admitted that she was a bit suspicious as to why I was so keen on leaving the house quickly and just after we ordered,I excused myself to the toilet. Which by the way,was so not me. I'd usually wake up late and haven't even showered when she reach home. She'll fuss over it and I'd eventually get ready and went to dinner with them. I do not go to toilets when we're out. I mean it's not like 'not ever'. It's just not me to go to the toilet just after we leave the house. Haha. It's kind of funny how I try to be subtle but in actuality im being really odd. Oh well,it's not like every year we get to celebrate her birthday,so I wanted to do something about it this year.

We went home and when she went to the toilet I quickly put the candle holder on the cake realizing it's taking too much time. I started to pick them out and lighted the candles with the stove -- I forgot no one in the house smoked -- and arrange the candles on the cake as fast as I can. As she chased Zoe around,I switched off the lights and sang the 'Happy Birthday' song. She was surprised I guess. When we were sitting together in front of the TV eating the cake she expressed her suspicions. Haha. What can I say,I am not the subtlest person. She said it was weird I didnt want any desserts at Selasih. Haha. And she remembered the orange juice jug on the counter instead of in the fridge. Well,the fridge has too many things inside,I had to take out some of the things in there so I can fit the cake into the freezer.

I want to write more but as always I'm running late for something. LATER.

Monday, June 30, 2008

The Spaniards vs The Germans

WOOHOO!

*whistling loudly*

Spain won the UEFA Championship! YEAY!

TORRES SCORED! HE'S THE MAN OF THE HOUR!

WITH THOSE CUTE BANGS ALWAYS GETTING IN THE WAY.

hahaha.

*punching fist in the air*

*punching fist in the air again*

*sliding across the living room floor still punching fist in the air*

IN YOUR FACE BALLACK!

:D

BYE.




Saturday, June 28, 2008

random.

I posted this on my myspace blog. Where I dont think it's available for people to see. I dont mind though,but I guess posting it here wont hurt.


As the road laid in front starts to fade,
With little fragments trailing ahead,
Like breadcrumbs left for a lost soul to find,
To lead it where it ends or begin.

I fear of the end,
Not much difference for the beginning,

Im torn between two roads,
Diverging into nothing.

Where i stand confused and focused,contemplating,
To which kind of path will i be taking?


There it is. :D

Bye!


Friday, June 27, 2008

Wonder Girl.

I'm wondering about something..

*thinking*

I'd rather be humble than be so confident/ego. Food for my conscience. I guess I've been saying im too nice for my own good,but really,who wants an egoistic 'bitch' who thinks that the world revolves around 'her'? It's a waste of space. Admitting you're wrong is not the end of the world,it gets you thinking and look at things in a new light. Look at things in different angles. It's sure as hell not that hard. Maybe it'll bruise your ego,but at least it's not your face.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

i need wings.

Just to say : I had fun last weekend. Not too much fun that I'd crawl back home like what Salleh and Ed had planned. Nevertheless,it was fun. And now! In a few days,I'll be going back to Johor. Hooray,for me.. Not.

I know what it means. Days in the house without car,money and fun. Maybe I could go to a gig on the weekends.. *contemplating* I doubt my ears wont melt with all the nagging. I'll take this opportunity to enroll in language classes and watch TV till i puke. *sigh* at least I could say "Language class is educational,it'll help me in the future!" Then they wont nag that much,since it's like im not wasting time. Although,I have no idea how learning Japanese would help me in the future. It's not like im going to be an Ambassador or something. Hmm.. I can make excuses to watch anime then. "It's practice! Im not even putting on the subtitle!"

I better get going. Have to go fetch Papa. Im regretting not bringing my iPOD along. This is going to be a long day. A very long day.

I hope im wrong.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

problematic.

The problem : Im confused. Im in love and im confused. Im confused with who I am as a person. Im confused with what I want to do with my life. Im confused with what I CAN do with my life that'll make me happy.

Thoughts : Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe. Or maybe im not even trying. It's sad. Trying to live up to expectations. It's pathetic to think that once I get used to it,i'll be fine. Im not fine. And im stretching too much that I feel so exhausted. Why does it have to be so hard?

Im never sure of what im saying. Even if it's something that I'm familiar with. There are paths that are laid in front of you,you'd pick the one that looks safe? Or the one that looks risky? If im put in that situation,i'd pick the safe path. I guess im just plain boring. Simply plain boring.

Im hoping to pop the safety bubble that I created long ago,that surrounds me. Yeah. I'll do it. Eventually.

Im constantly tired. I think it's the weather. Or the lack of fluid in my body. Or the fact that im gaining weight. -.-

Where do you put all the regrets that you've been feeling when it just feels like it's too much? I have no idea. It's like this heavy load on my back. People change,when they want to. Have I changed? Not much. *Sigh*

I feel like sleeping. Bye bye.


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

ROTLOL.

I almost snorted Orange yoghurt when I read this. It's so random but I cant help myself. I just feel the need to write it here. So I can read it later when I feel like it.

This is taken from a book. Not a book I'd really recommend,but it's light reading and i'm in need of some light reading nowadays. Corny love stories are my main interest. Maybe im not loved enough. :P Oh well. Here goes!

-------
Our class was in a mad mood the next week at school. I think the heat wave has affected everyone's brain.

It started in science,when Mr. Dixon asked if anyone knew the formula for water.
Gabby Jones put her hand up. "HIJKLMNO," she said proudly.
"Er,can you tell me why?" He asked.
"Yesterday,sir," said Gabby, "you said H to O was the formula for water."
"H two O." He sighed and wrote it on the board. "H two,as in the number,O. Okay,last question about water. What can we do to save water in a water shortage?"
"Put less in the kettle,sir," said Lucy.
"Excellent. Anyone else?"
"Dont use the host," I said.
"Another good one. Any others to help our water supply to go further?"
Jade Wilcocks' hand shot up. "Dilute it,sir," she said.
Mr. Dixon shook his head but I could see he was trying not to laugh.

------

Then it was into the school hall for a film about the cosmos and all the planet and stars. Afterward,Miss Watkins asked us questions to see if we'd been paying attention.

"What is a comet?" Asked Miss Watkins.
I knew the answer to this and put my hand up.
"Star with a tail,miss,"
"Correct. And can anyone name one?"
Candice Carter, who was one of those I saw nodding off,stuck her hand up. "Mickey Mouse,miss," she said as everyone cracked up.

------

That's it. :) This reminds me. When I was in school. Whenever I dont want to be asked a difficul question,I always try to answer the first few questions that the teacher asked. :D Haha. The first few ones are always the easy ones,and if I answered them,then the teachers wont ask me a difficult one later on. OK,I kept on doing it even when i'm in college. But mostly,the 'quiet' side of me always gets the best of me. And I end up getting the difficult questions. Dont get me wrong,I can answer some of them. I just dont feel like I want to. ;) Im no genius. Im no whiz kid. But im not stupid either. You know what? I feel like im not as smart as I used to be. Im only 20 years old and im complaining about my rusty brain. Not good. Better get a grip.

Im trying to write a story too. Anip almost read one of my reject stories. Im not writing it like im going to publish it or something. It's just for me. I can always count on writing to polish up my grammars. Anyway,it's way too corny and so predictable-hopeless-romantic me. Maybe I could toss in some tragedies?? Like a car accident. Or a fatal disease or something. Just to make sure it's not so sunshiny where everything is oh-so-perfect. Good ending? Oh.who am I kidding? Most stories I wrote so far is where someone dies. I better polish my english some-more. :P

Confession : Im hoping for something. Im being hopeful. Not telling for what. :P Boo Hoo.

Later. Need sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

He's The Reason For The Teardrops On My Guitar

For as long as I can remember. I've never been honest with myself. My feelings and everything that comes with it. I've never said 'Yes and No' like what my mind feels. I've never said 'I hate you' like I mean it. I've never said what I thought if it's too rude. Im either too nice or just plain stupid. I've been told that im being stupid and a fool for letting people get their way while I curse at them in my head.

I have no idea why I am who I am. I always feel mad,angry,frustrated,tense. And all I ever do is shut my mouth and say what people want to hear. "Im sorry","Im fine","Im ok","it's nothing". Then i'd feel like screaming. To just scream. SCREAM. Until my throat is hoarse. Until I lose my breath. Until I feel light. But I've never tried. I've tried to yell. A pitiful attempt to scream. To just let it go. To feel ok again. But it never works. And then I'll tell myself,just breathe in and breathe out. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. And those things that makes me mad,angry,frustrated and tense,they stay in me. It never goes away. It's driving me crazy. Even if someone tells me "I hope you have an accident and die." I'd answer,"Me too." Because despite my attempts to be strong and independent.. Im not. All I want to do is give up. To scream and cry until I cant anymore.

Confession : I dont know if I love him anymore. I used to put him on a pedestal. I admire him. For the things he believes in. For who he is. I never thought being me is something he doesnt approve of. Being different from what he believes in makes me the one who's always wrong. I thought he was the most wonderful thing. Rough around the edges but yet,beautiful as a person. Now.. I realize that Im never good enough. I was never on a pedestal in his eyes. He loves me. Yes. But love.. is not wonderful. It's just painful. Did I stay because he was my love at first sight? That it would have been over from that one too many fights if he wasnt? Do I love him or the idea of him? I can never forget the first time I saw him. Never.

I can never be true to myself. I've thought about people who's never honest with themselves and then change. They leave the things that makes them miserable and accepts themselves for being exactly who they are. And push away people who are dragging them down and just be happy. I always think "What if I try? What is I stop kidding myself and just be honest with myself. Do what I want and not what other people want. Just be happy. Being just me." I dont think it's that simple. I can never be honest with myself. I can never give in to the temptation to tell someone something rude or bad.

Conclusion : I am a confused fool who lets other people dictates my life and controls it. A miserable fool. Who's aching to be left the fuck alone.

*Crying silently inside* "I want out".

Bye.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

havent written in years.

I feel like I havent written in YEARS!!

Cant make any excuses. I guess i havent felt like it. Aida has been bugging me about it. EACH TIME I see her. And I only see her when Im in college. So far,about 3 times. And she keeps saying "UPDATE YOUR DAMN BLOG". Either that or "WHERE'S MY PRISON BREAK." Jeez. Gimme a break. Cant you just say "DUDE! Where the hell have you been. I missed hanging out. Let me treat you to Indian Hero." Come on. I know you want to say it. I can see it in your eyes. Haha.

P/S : Dude. You've been bugging me about burning Season 1 of Prison Break. They already have Season 2 and 3.

Fine. Fine. Here you go. Happy?
Currently feeling very 'dry'. Maybe KL is just way to hot for me to handle. :P I wake up everyday sweating like hell. I should really up my intake of water.

Currently I have too many things in my mind. Like things that I want. Random thoughts. Desires. Hopes. Dreams. I've been writing. Not so much. I think im running out of ideas. But I never run out of imagination. But when I want to put it on paper. It's just... 'blah'. Dull. I guess that's how im feeling these days. Dull.

Im also watching Bleach. Im currently on episode 117. Yes. Im seriously way behind!! But I just started and I have other things to do. It's a pretty good accomplishment I think,to watch those many episodes in such a short time. Not an accomplishment to brag about by the way. :D Oh well.

My eyes are watery. They've been like that since a few days ago. No,I am not feeling emotional. I think it's just the hot and dry weather. You know what,it was dark this evening and I was hoping it'd rain. But it didnt. Dang!

OK. My overused phrase right now. Dang. And Damn. And WTH. It just rolls off my tongue during conversations. Or whenever it feels like rolling off my tongue. Dang!

Haha. Currently waiting for my cousins and auntie and uncle to come back from Kelantan. Jeez. What's taking em so long. Im in need of money. More and more. :l I need a job. But I dont feel like working. Oh well. I'll think of something.

I should just stop here. I'll write more later. Promise. :D

P/S : THEY'RE HHHOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Friday, March 7, 2008

.On my mind.

I simply love this. This is from Kate Voegele. A song called 'Wish You Were'. She acts as Mia in One Tree Hill. A new cast. This is my fav part in OTH,where they sang the song with her. All going through different problems but in a way,they're going through it together. This is simply genius. I have to say,only Hayley was able to match up to her voice. Haha. Enjoy.





Thursday, March 6, 2008

Hey Muffin,can i have a bite?

I succeeded in making muffins today. :D HOORAY. Im excited. This is exciting. Next,chocolate on chocolate cake!

Friday, February 29, 2008

a piece of moist chocolate MIND.

Love. Saranghaeyo. Liebe. Ai. Te Amo. Aishiteru. Mahal Kitak. Je T'aime.

How can one expression or feeling can be said in so many ways. So different, yet it means the same.

So is it wrong when love befall upon two person regardless of age,gender or religion? That's different than what you think it's suppose to be.

Yes. I think it will make things a lot harder. And I mean A LOT. But who's to say that it is wrong? For a person that did not go through these kind of situations. They will never know how it feels. For a person like me,I can only imagine how it feels. Is it fair for them? Imagine you cant love the person you love right now because society says that you cant. How would you feel if you're the one who's considered an outsider if the table is turned on you. If this world was different. You believe in things that are already set by others. Majority says so. The minorities? Who cares! Sarcastic. Ironic. Funny isnt it? If one day, society says "No wait,straight people should be discriminated. Yes,this is the way to be from now on." Would you change? And suddenly say "Yes this should be the right thing." "But Sir,why is it so?" "Well,because they said so." People have the right to choose. People should have the right to love. Regardless of age,gender or religion.

To those people who thinks that being gay and lesbian is a crime then you have the right to choose too. So if you really think that you're right,then fight for it.

As for me, I know a guy who's a really good friend and a good person. Genuinely nice when he wants to be. And he's gay. And I have NO/
ZILCH problem with that. He's perfect as he is. He deserves love. And so does all the others out there. I have found mine. I hope love is not something that can be discriminated. I thought love is the only thing that makes this insane world goes round. Even when you have nothing,you'll have love. Proven that people who's lonely without love lives a shorter life. So why should we limit it? Go ahead people. Find your love. And I hope you will hold onto it. And you'll see that it doesnt matter who you fall in love with. With love,everything goes. :D

To my friends. Regardless of age,gender or religion. I love you too.

Sorry if this is crap. I havent slept for 32 hours and I felt like writing something before I hit the sack. If my words are unclear. I will write again. When my head is not fucking foggy like it is right now. Sluggish. Numb. Throbbing. I should sleep.

BYE BYE PEOPLE.

Give PEACE and LOVE a chance.

that nagging voice in my head!

I feel like dancing.

I feel like singing.

I feel like humming.

I feel like laughing really loudly.

I feel like jumping into a puddle.

I feel like it's raining. Everyday.

Even when it's not.

You know that nagging voice inside your head? The one that never goes away. Well,it NEVER goes away.

I feel like writing nonsense.

The wind was strong and the rain had stopped. Sunlight crept behind the clouds. Little rays of light illuminates the ground here and there. She was sitting on a bench in a park near the broken fountain. She felt cold but then again,it always is. It has been a month since he left. Maybe if he left because he cheated,she could hate him. And then it would be OK. Or maybe if he left because it's just not working out anymore,she could find someone else,even better! Or maybe.. if he left just because,maybe she could still glance his way. See him smile. They could even still be 'just' friends. She can still hear him and still stand by him laughing away. But why.. does it hurt? It hurts so much that she couldnt seem to open her eyes. Tears keep spilling,trickling down her cold cheeks. And words that she can only utter are "Why?" or "Please" or "Come" or "Back".

My name is Ariel. I am the girl sitting on the bench. Unable to comprehend that a certain someone I loved. No,a person that I love is gone. Dead. Some say "He's gone to a better place." And some say "God loves him,that's why He wants him back earlier than we thought". Is it a better place? Where I am not there? Where the people that loves him are not there? Is it a better place than here? With me. Dont I love him too? Everything is too sudden. Even after a month. It is still sinking in. I can still remember that night.

----Flashback----
I think there were signs on the night before our 3 year anniversary,he was feeling uneasy for no particular reason but who would notice? Not even me. And it had to happen on the day itself?

The phone rang. I waited a while before picking up. He was acting weirdly at college today. Serves him right for ignoring me the whole day. "Hello?" I said while writing some notes in my notepad. "Ariel? It's me." Ryan said. "Oh hey. What's up?" I said nonchalantly. "Sorry about today,I don't feel well." He said apologetically. He did looked pale today. Maybe he IS sick? Feeling guilty for making a big deal of nothing,I toned my attitude down.
"Are you okay?".
"Im fine. Im just feeling.. a bit off ya know?".
"Do you want me to come over?"
"Naah. I'll be fine. I wanted to ask.. what do you want to do tomorrow?"
I laughed.
"Come on. What's so funny? Fine. If you dont want to."
"NO.. no Ryan. Im glad you even remember." I smiled to myself. He never cared. So why now? Oh well. You cant complain right,when someone has good intentions.
"So.. Anything in mind?"
"Yeah. Suprise me."
"What? How the hell am I suppose to do that? We're planning now right?"
"Oh come on. Just think of something!"
"Oh.. Okay then. No complaining ok?"
"No complains." By this time,I was already smiling from ear to ear. But it felt odd. Why now?
"Hey Ryan?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you want to anyway? I didnt know you cared."
"I dont know. It's just a nagging feeling. I want to. Is it okay?"
"It is. Im happy."
"Me too."
"Are you smiling that stupid smile of yours,Ryan?"
"Haha. You! One of these days you wont get to see this smile anymore. Then too bad! HA!"
"But! Im happy. Im smiling that stupid smile of yours."
"Im smiling that stupid smile of mine."

We hung up and I felt elated. Euphoria. I'm not sure if this is the word im searching for. But i'll settle for it right now. Because the feeling of 'excessive or exaggerated feeling of happiness' is just what I am feeling right now.

The next day was a blur. I didnt see him much in college. Just that he came to my class and told me he's picking me up at 8pm. And that I should be ready by then. He looked paler than ever. When I asked he just said I'm overreacting and that he's fine.

When I went back home,I took a long bath. Shaved my legs. Wore conditioner. Brushed my teeth and plucked my eyebrows. Settled on a white knee length dress,minimum make-up,and loose hair. It was around 7.40 pm at the time. I still had time. So,I sat on the bed reading War And Peace by Tolstoy.

After a while,I glanced at the clock and was shocked to see that it was already 8.30pm. Where is he? I thought. I checked my phone to see if there was any missed calls.

There was none.

I dialed Ryan's number and it reaches the mailbox. I left a message asking where he was and figured something came up and that he's going to be late. Maybe this is the surprise? That he's late. Or he's not coming at all. I grinned. That jerk. He's going to get a punch from me if he dare comes later than 15 minutes from now. I walked towards the kitchen to get something to drink. I wonder what he's up to? Thinking of him trying hard to surprise me,it made me realize how long we had been together. Oh well,we still have a long journey together. Hey Ryan? You're going to have to put up with me for a very long time because no matter what,im going to fight for us. For our love. I love you.

"Ahaha. Maybe I should tell him that tonight!" I said to myself. Just then the doorbell rang. I quickly walked towards the door anticipating to see Ryan. "Ariel?" Josh,one of Ryan friends,was at the door looking disheveled. "Josh! Why? What's wrong?" I asked worriedly. I didnt think it was because of Ryan but I thought wrong. Oh how I wished I was wrong.

"It's Ryan. Ariel.. Ryan.."
"Ryan? Where's Ryan?"
"He's.. He's.. Ryan.. He's.."
"Josh! Spit it out!"
"Ryan.. he was getting ready. He was. Then we were playing around. He looked unhappy you know? We were trying to cheer him up. Playing around. Since it's his first time celebrating an anniversary with you. He was happy. I think he was. He sounded happy. Yeah. He was. Ryan.."
"What the fuck are you talking about? Cut to the point!"
"Oh yeah. He drove off. We were in another car going for dinner. At the turn point. Near the traffic light? We saw his car. Smashed. He was in an accident! We went there. There were alot of blood. The ambulance came. His car.. OH GOD. His car. Ryan-"
At that time. I couldnt think of anything. Never had I felt so blank and helpless. So.. helpless. I rushed inside and grabbed my purse and pulled Josh to his car.
"GET ME TO RYAN. NOW!"
All I could think of was how the seconds was like hours. The minutes was like days. The sounds around me.. sounded alot like static. Everything was a blur. It felt unreal. My head was pounding with thoughts. "Is he okay?" "Alot of blood.. Is he okay?" "He'll be fine.. He'll be fine.. He'll be fine."

Tears rolled down unnoticed. Words of encouragement and console sounded so distant. After minutes that felt like days,we reached the hospital that the ambulance had taken Ryan to. A few of his friends was already there,looking on at the closed doors of the Emergency Room. They turned around when they heard our hurried footsteps. "Ariel!" Chase said coming towards me. "They said.. The doctors said they'll try their best--" he stopped. Looked around at the others and his gaze fell to the floor. "They said.. They'll try their best but.. we have to prepare ourselves." Those words felt like it sliced open a wound that was so severe that I crumbled and broke in tears. "They better try their best! Or I'll kick their asses. He better be alive! That jerk. He cannot leave me here alone!" At that time all of them crowded around me and all of us just wanted one thing. For Ryan to be ok.

An hour passed. I called his parents and they said they are coming right away and that I should take care of things while they're still on the way. My friends had also came by this time to accompany me and to offer help. No one came out from the ER to offer us news. We paced around,drank coffees and I had to take care of some paperworks that the hospital required. I felt worn out but I anticipate any news that would come. It was so frustrating that no one cared enough to come out and tell us what's going on.

Two hours passed. The doors to the Emergency Room suddenly opened and 2 person came out. Ryan's friends rushed towards the two doctors and started asking questions. I walked slowly towards them and hoped so much that they will tell me what I've wanted to hear.

"Is Ryan OK?" Josh asked.
The doctors pulled off their gloves and the one on the left looked at Josh and us.
"I am very sorry. We tried our best. He was losing too much blood. His injuries were very severe. His heart just gave out. I am very sorry..Is there any family members? We have to have family approval to let anyone see the body. "
At that time. Nothing mattered anymore. He's dead. Ryan's dead. Ryan.. he's gone. He's never coming back. I felt like crying but the tears never came. I felt numb. I couldnt even move. Let alone say something. From now on. I can never get to see that 'stupid smile' anymore.

It was cold. It didnt rain that day but it was a very cold night. The air was thick. The night was illuminated by the full moon. At nearly 4am, I was sitting in a swing in a playground near my house. A bouquet of roses on the ground near my feet. An unopened letter on my hand. The wind kept blowing. My hair tickling my face. Eyes swelling from all the crying. His parents looked broken. His younger siblings looked so lost. After his parents came,I could go in and see him. I can never forget how he looked. Bruised and bloodied. I hugged him and said my goodbyes. Stayed around for a while until his parents said that I should go home,have some rest and come for the funeral tomorrow. As reluctant as I was,I knew that I couldn't do anything more. The police came to talk to his parents about what happened. His parents called me and asked me to listen to it too. It seemed that a drunk truck driver didnt notice his car and when he did,it was already too late. The man was charged with manslaughter and driving under influence(DUI). I wanted to feel angry,but I was too exhausted. Chase called after me when I was about to walk out from the hospital. I turned around to see him running towards me.

"What's going on?"
"I want to show you something. I mean. I want to give you something. Wait,I think there's something you should know"
"What are you talking about?"
Chase pulled me towards his car and opened the backseat door. He hid something behind him and faced me.
"Before the ambulance came. He was conscious for a while. Well,we were trying to keep him conscious."
"Ryan..?"
"Yeah. He told me to get something in the car. It wasnt easy but he wanted me to,so I did."
"Chase! What is it?"
Chase slowly showed what he was hiding. A bouquet of white roses in one hand and a letter in another.

So here I am. Sitting on the swing. With an unopened letter in my hand. Contemplating on whether I should open it or not. I looked down at the bouquet of roses on the ground. Some are battered and some are even stained with specks of blood. I closed my eyes and imagined him buying the roses and writing the letter. He must have felt weird. He must have had that stupid smile on his face. The one that I can never see again. I sighed.

I decided to just read the letter. I should. ----------------------------

End.

Agh. Crap. Do you want to know what the letter says? How come whatever i type comes out trashy. Should be crumpled and thrown in the bin. Or folded into a paper airplane and thrown out the window. Or made into a paper boat and let sail down the drain. *sigh* I think my head is jammed. I havent slept. I am really sleepy. My eyes are so heavy that I almost fell asleep typing. Really. *yawn* See. That was a big yawn. My head hurts. I'll write later. Regarding this piece of crappy story. I dont know if I'll continue. Maybe i will,maybe not. I'll attempt another one or a continuation when I am not sleep deprived and 'something' nourished. Oh wait,let me try to correct that.. when i am not sleep deprived and
UNnourished.

LATER PEOPLE. This captain sleepyhead will try to get through a few more hours. Then SLEEP. Yes,please. SLEEEEEPPPP!

RECAPS.

Last Sunday I went to a gig and some things happened that I do not wish to write here. I'm just glad I can finally put it behind me. And to whoever is reading this that witnessed the commotion. I am truly sorry and please put it behind us. And.. MOVE ON.

I haven't been doing anything productive these past few days so I have no idea on what to recap anymore.

On 13th March I will receive my results. And when I said that my finals was my death sentence. Well,I came out from the exam hall on the last day scratch free. Wait,a few bruises but I came out, yes ALIVE. Right now,I feel like im heading towards a death penalty. I soo-oh-oh CANNOT wait to get my results. Right... I shall write my will soon. Maybe on 12th March.

Sayonara.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

.musically inclined.

To you people who thought playing Radio by Alkaline Trio was lame. HAH! :D See,other people plays it too. Haha. This song is the first song I played in a jamming session that was successful. So when there was this band called Manuk from KL started playing it.. My friends started making so much noise and called out my name. HAHAHAHAHA. SEE! IT IS A GOOD SONG! I can still play that song until now. Yeay. It's not that hard really. I think most people have no trouble learning that song. It's significant to me because it's the first song that I played fully from the beginning until the end. :D

LATER!

Friday, February 8, 2008

Chocopie Freak

Yes Yes. I AM A VERY LAZY PERSON. Gah. My dad always say that I'm the most laziest bum in the world. Haha. I think I have to agree with him on that. I woke up really late today and I had a very weird dream. I woke up with chills running down my back remembering it. My worst nightmare I think. Im afraid of zombies. So,when I woke up today. I felt like my body just froze up. Everything felt cold. Or am I just being dramatic? I am,I think. :D But having a dream where you're trying to escape from a town full of those things? I woke up just wondering what I would do if my whole family turned into them. Haha. I'm overreacting. Yes I know. I have an imagination of a 4 year old. Im still figuring out if this a bad thing or not. :D

I'm currently addicted to Chocopies and Barley Black Tea. Gah. I bought like 2 boxes of Chocopie last week. I finished one box already. Seriously,I'm getting fatter. This is really bad. Should really watch my diet after this. Not feeling very healthy. Mama cooked today. So yeay! It's been a while since she cooked. YUMMY. Although it was just one side dish. Nvm. I think this house has too many chocolates. My brothers are eating chocolates like there's no tomorrow. Haha. Mama boards the plane one too many times. She buys chocolates each time she goes to the airport,since it's cheaper. So if you want some,tell me. I have like 3 types of truffles here. Im considering whether I want to eat it or not. It's bad enough that I'm addicted to Chocopies. Now,chocolates?? Gah. I think my family is deliberately making me fat because I keep complaining about my body. :D Haha.

I'm currently watching a K-Drama called 1% of Anything. At first I wasn't too keen on it. But it's growing on me. Im also watching an anime called School Rumble. I wasn't too keen on this too but i'm giving it a few more episodes before saying it's not good.

GAH. IM WRITING CRAP. Oh well. I'll end it here. I'll write something more.. tasteful later. Im having a writers' block. My brain is freezed. I'll defrost it soon.


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

.an overdose of boredom.

YEAAHH-HEY. I bought two Manchester United jerseys and Im very happy. :D One is the home jersey (Red) and the other one is the away kit (black). I couldnt find the white away kit. The white one would look really good if I put Rooney's name at the back. Then maybe I can kick the ball like him. Haha. Right. I havent been seeing much of them lately because of the exams. But I cannot wait to go back to JB where there is Astro so that I can watch them again.

Went out to eat with Aida and Dhelmin. We went to Indian Hero and met some people from church. Aida knows them though. Because last time she went there for the food and for the fun of it. The guy was being too nice and it kinda crept us out. Haha. I think he was the pastor of the church. Oh well. Enough about that. I felt like buying an anime dvd series but then I forgot. Or because I thought that they wont have decent English subtitles. The last time I bought Ouran Host School Host Club and Kyo Kara Maoh. The eng subs was horrible. I had to download the whole thing from the internet and watch it all over again. And it was funnier when I actually know what they were talking about.

YEAY. Aida just made her own blog. And she took a very long time to finish one post. Like I always say,she types reaaaaallly slow. :D Did you notice. I keep writing about your flaws in this blog. I hope tattoo guy can read all this. Haha. I read somewhere,it said that a person's flaw is another person's turn on. HAHA. Im made of flaws. Anyone attracted? :P Gah. Forget about it.

I want to read Liy's blog but she made it private. :( So I cant read it. Im not sure if EVERYONE cannot read it but it said that you need to have permission or something. I just missed her in msn. She was here just now. I'll talk to her later when she's online. The last conversation we had was about furthering our studies. She's thinking of going to Melbourne or Sydney. I cant really remember. I thought of going to Australia a few times but always feel like I couldnt because there's no one there that I know. If Liy is there then at least there's someone there. Although I wouldnt want to stay in the city. I'd rather stay in Perth or something. Hmm. *thinking* I should think about this later.

Maybe I should make some overseas friends. Im thinking of joining language classes. Such as Mandarin,Korean and Japanese. Yes. It's all Asian languages. If i can be fluent in those three then i'd think of getting classes for Spanish and French. I dont think I have that much space in my brain or the consistency though. We'll see. But having friends from those places can help me if I took those languages I think. Like speaking. It makes you remember better. You should see me study. It's like i'm reading the news in Buletin Utama. Haha. I remember better by reciting what I read. And if I think of the things that Im reading about,is like a story. Im good at literature when I was in high school. I can just read the book once and remember all the details. Ahh.. High school. The days that life was more easier. Or i'd like to think of it that way.

OK. I have to go. Aida keeps buzzing me. You annoying *tut*.

LATER PEOPLE!


Monday, January 28, 2008

HOORAYYY!

Hello people.

I got back from dinner sometime around 10pm and I feel so tired right now. But I just have to get this out.. HOORAY! EXAMS ARE OVER!! IT'S HOLS!! IM GOING TO GO BACK TO JB! Yeaaaayy.

I kind of woke up late today. Around 11 am. My exam was at 2.10pm. So I quickly ate some bread and cheese and drank some orange juice and started revising a bit. Then listened to some songs while jumping around. My intention was if I jumped around maybe my heartbeat and heart rate increases and hence more blood will be pumped to my brain and more oxygen is supplied and I can remember all the things that I read. Im not sure if it worked but dang! My exam was not that bad. The first paper was kinda easy. Im not sure if my answers were right though. Im just assuming I did good. :D Being an optimist for once. Haha. I dont even want to ask my friends how they answered their questions but I think most of it is the same as them. I dont know. Again! Im not gonna think about it much.

My second paper started at 6.50pm. So I had some time to kill. Hui Jiin and I went to OldTown to eat. Yummeh. Getting fatter by the minute. We stayed until four something then headed to the library to squish in some more bio terms before going to the exam hall. The synoptic paper was OK I guess. I wouldnt say it was REALLY easy but there are some things that I just wrote but not knowing wether it's the right thing or not. Oh well. What is done is done. Exam ended at 8pm. Took some photos with classmates. Gonna upload it in myspace and friendster later. Ok. When I 'feel' like uploading it. :D Then I met with Aida and Anne. We went to Block A. There was an Indian cultural thingy. Im not sure what. So I saw some people I know and took pictures with them too. Like Santhiya,Terry and Andrew. I just found out that Terry,out of all people is scared of balloons. HAHA. Ah,life is wonderful. I know his weakness already. Who would have known that it's balloons. It's too funny to even let it sink in. This is a good news to me because Terry likes to bully me. It's like if im eating an egg tart. He'll take it and eat it when im not looking. He'll pretend that he didnt know what happened. Last year when my dad came to UCSI. We walked past him and I said to my dad, "Pa. This guy always bully me." He looked so shocked that I wish I had a camera at precisely that moment. His reaction was priceless. Haha. Enough about that.

Aida and I went to Free and Easy to eat and stayed there even after we finished our meal. She brought a few markers so we wrote some things on the wall. Quotes and so on. I wrote some from Mark Twain,Einstein and Maya Angelou. Aida wrote something that her lecturer always say. I think it said,"The success story of Malaysian Education." Haha. It varies for where you actually come from. If you're a Malaysian then it's Malaysian Education. Something like that. Then we talked about stupid things. But it was fun. I hate to admit it. Maybe I am going to miss her when I go back to Johor. Haha. Gah. I cannot believe I just said that. Aida if you're reading this,everything i've said just now is not true. Who would miss you? :P And chaiyoook! With the tattoo guy. And if tattoo guy is reading this then "dude,Aida likes you. Wait or was it love?" Hehe. I'll come visit you and we can go watch a movie or something ok? You're gonna miss me when im gone. Woahhh.. Woahh.. (according to Simple Plan's song).

Conversation between Aida and Aqi during their walk towards Free and Easy:

Aida : Let's be dramatic about everything.
Aqi : Ok.
Aqi pointing at her surrounding.
Aqi : LOOK! EVERYTHING IS MELTING!
Some raindrops fell onto Aida's arm.
Aida : AGHHH! Im melting!

Ok that was a stupid re-enactment. Haha. You had to be there to laugh.
Im REALLY tired right now. I havent packed my things. I havent searched for a new tenant. I havent taken a bath. :D Im gonna take one now. Before it gets really late and cold. I'll write more later.

Later people! *smiles*

P/S: I cant use my phone. :( My mom is going to kill me. I tried to buy a topup but all the shops are closed. And the ones that are opened all replied the same thing, "Hotlink takde." *tut* Then stop putting signs saying you sell 'em you morons. GAH. I miss my boyf. And I cannot wait to see my family!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

.country grilled chicken burger.

First of all. I didnt get the chance to say "Happy 2008!". Since it's already the end of January. It sounds weird to say it, but yeah. Happy New Year people. I am actually feeling really happy and excited right now because tomorrow is my last two papers for my final exam. Hooray! I cannot wait to go back to JB. Haha.

I know that when I get back,I will have tons of things to do. Such as :

  1. Watch my friends perform at gigs and hang out with my boyf and them.
  2. Shopping.
  3. Watch TV. Animes. Movies that I didnt have time to see.
  4. Eat Dominos,western food and mama's cooking.
  5. Start getting active in sports again. Or go to they gym.
  6. Play around with Zoe.
  7. Do my IELTS. And join language classes and maybe keyboard lessons.
  8. Improve on my guitar playing.
  9. Think about wether I want a job or not. :P
  10. Drive around in my blue Kelisa.
I havent really thought about what I want to do in my free time. But roughly I guess that's what im gonna end up doing. :D

Im supposed to pack my things but I havent even started. Everything is scattered around everywhere. I dont even know where to start. It's just one room but it's like the whole house is moving. Gah. I cannot wait to get out of this red ant infested room. Im also supposed to find the next tenant. But I havent even posted the flyers and ask people around. Im not good at these kind of stuffs. Maybe I'll ask Aida to help me out. I bet she's gonna miss me. Aida if you're reading this, "Dude. I'll come visit." Haha. She's the closest person I have in college. We met in Student council and became good friends ever since. She's super nice to everyone and it annoys me sometimes. Haha. So everytime we're hanging out or walking to wherever she'd wave or stop to talk to people. She's the opposite of me. I dont really talk to people. And I dont really know alot of people from college. I'd rather sit in my room listening to music or something. She's always joining competitions or something. I'll miss her too when I leave. We're gonna play futsal after my exam I think. Yey.

Im really hungry right now. I only ate one burger today and it's fattening but I was too lazy to go out. Haha. Im gaining weight. Even Fong said so. Ah,nevermind. I'll get rid of it when I finish exams.

Later. Better freshen up and study.


. new blog.

HELLO. Annyong Haseyo!

This is my new blog. I had another one before this but I feel like I need a new one. So here it is. This is my first post. Im excited. HAHA. My blog looks like it's made for a 6 year old. I'll change it when I feel like it. Most of the things im gonna write about is my daily life and all those things. I dont write anything of importance so it really is boring for people to read. Oh well. To whoever is reading this blog. Dont expect much and I hope you get to know me better by reading this. :D Oh yeah,and thank you.

<3 Aqi.