Long sleeved colarred button shirt.

I just realize something. Something weird. Something random. Something so unimportant but it made me laugh.

"Pkai kemeja lipat kat lengan?" DAAANG. Haha. That's kinda hot.

Ok that was random and I know it sounds like WTF? But I just realize that it looks good. Usually I only see it on my brothers and yes,yuck for me to say they look hot. So when it's on someone else. Well,it looks good. So guys. If you want to look nice,wear one. Haha.

That's all for this. Ok I'm just stating an oppinion. To use this against me is just wrong.

Bye.

(Too lazy to find pictures. Maybe later. Or probably never? Haha.)

.no more letting out.

Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Eyes wide open and heart poached and prodded.
I inhale,the scent of new beginnings.
I exhale the pain of lost memories.
The scars run deep,with little mercy.
I kick and scream,but only in my mind.
I kick. I scream.
I did.

I dont know what more I can write. Without someone taking it and using it against me. I dont write controversies. And yet,I feel like I cant write anymore. I miss writing. About everything. But I dont think I can anymore. Damn it.

Bye bye.

.where has it all gone to.

I could never understand what goes on in a person's head. How they would think. How they would interpret things. How they process a feeling and react to it they way they do. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. No matter what other people say,they will do what is comfortable to them. People tend to pick their safest route and stick to it. Maybe,sometimes they will think out of the box and do something out of the ordinary and the end result? Who knows. It can turn out to be good or it can turn ugly. I think it's easy to read people,but I just don't get them. I just.. don't. 

Im trying. Real hard here. To just let go. Im letting go. Because so far,there's nothing to look back to. Nothing changed and I think I already knew that it never will. I guess there's nothing left but to just look ahead. 

I think I cried for nothing. Nothing at all. I was wrong to think that maybe I made a mistake. It's not fair but it's the way it is. I just have to deal with it. No more weak moments. I have to give this my all. All the energy I have. So that I could move ahead. Just get over it,and no turning back.

If I can remember that. Then maybe,I'll be just fine. 

"I am the master of my fate,

  I am the captain of my soul."

  -William E. Henley.

I wish I had that spark back. 

SNOT.

Ah yes,I wonder when it's gonna come.

*SNEEZE* Yeap. Definitely a flu.

My nose is runny. Eyes watery and burning. Head throbbing.

So much for my kick-ass antibodies.

I dont know why.. But I welcome this. Flu? Hell yeah!

-.- Goodnight.

*Captain Sleepyhead snuggling under the blankets*

white walls and red paint in hand.

Since I'm not sleeping.. I feel like writing this --

No. Dont tell me that I am not alone and that you will always be here for me. Dont tell me that you are always thinking of my well being. Dont tell me that I'm too secretive and that I need to open up to people. No. Dont tell me that everything will be OK and that you know it's going to be OK. No. I dont talk because,YES, you're never there. Yes,Im secretive because there wasnt a time to talk about it to you. My time is never a good time for you. My problems is not as significant to yours. And No,I dont need you to tell me everything will be OK. I'll be the judge of that. And yes,my problems are my problems. Dont stay once and think that you did a good job. I dont need it.

Maybe it's in my nature to not talk about it. I get it,sometimes I'm just hard to deal with and people just get tired of it. Sometimes those words that can mean alot,cant escape my mouth,and I have no hidden explanation for it. I cant explain how my mind works. I avoid and that's my favourite solution.

Maybe it's a call for help? One that I know wont come. And the cant-explain part of me says, 'To hell with it,i dont need it'. Reading Jane Austen makes me feel like maybe.... it's pride? Damn.

art imitates life. life is a work of art.

I wonder how long it has been. I wonder how far i've got. I wonder where my head is now. I cant sleep. I cant think much of anything. I cant decide on what to do. I cant decide based on how I feel. Because despite of the rush of emotions that I feel,it feels empty. My mind is like an empty black abyss. Where everything is not where it's suppose to be. Humans have this dark hole inside their chest where nothing can fill it. Nothing. I think mine is getting bigger and bigger. It's just a matter of time before it consumes me.

Yes,that sounds... very Emo. And yes,Ew. Oh what the heck. I cant sleep so maybe my head is burned out. Dont hold it against me.

Last words I've been meaning to write --

I am NOT weak. I HATE being weak. You want full swing? Hell. I'll give you full swing.

I guess as long as I'm aiming towards that goal,I can distract myself from everything else. Right. Distract myself. From everything I'm not ready to think about.

I wish that it would just bite the dust and go away. Stupid stupid feelings and thoughts.

Shit,I feel lethargic. No sleep. No sleep. No sleep. I told you my brain is burned out.

Bye.

simply beautiful.

^.^