i walk on a thin line.

I know I might not be the nicest person. Or the brightest. Or the one who can make everyone around her smile. I know I am not alot of things. I also know that the 'alot of things' that I lack,makes me more flawed than ever. Admitting you're defeated might be easy for some people who are more passive towards life. Admitting I am defeated is sometimes out of the question for me. Why start if you dont even think that you could win? I am highly competitive,but only in things that I'm sure that I'm good at. Finally realizing that life wont give you apples and instead give you lemons,when you wanted an apple.. Makes me think.. Life is a bitch. No matter how far you run. Or how deep you swim into the ocean. Nothing is ever enough. You have to run further! Swim deeper! Going after what I want.. is like chasing my own shadow. Being who I am,doesnt help making things easier. Inconsistent! Fickle minded! Paranoid! Unconfident! Sometimes I wonder.. How the hell did I survive all these years.

I keep on thinking.. Every cloud has a silver lining. Being optimistic is harder than I thought. Smiling when I wish I died.. Is something that I just did.