Sunday, October 26, 2008

Self Inflicted.

Im chasing after something that I am not even sure if it's the best thing for me. 

I realize that whatever happens to me has this tag that says "I happen for a reason." I sometimes just want to rip it to pieces so that it wouldnt remind me of my mistakes and regrets. I am hard to deal with,sometimes. I sometimes dont even want to deal with myself,so I shut it all away and avoid thinking about it. Until it's too late. I am spontaneous. I am someone who doesnt plan ahead and I am the kind of person who runs into the airport and misses the plane. I eat my food in a gulp as if it's my last meal. I am also the person who avoid the hunger pang just because I feel disgusted with myself. I forgot about the most important things at the most important time. I look back and sigh. All those years behind me.. were they just a waste of time and a disappointment?

I walk on those memories that left me this gaping wound. Would I die if emotional wounds are as real as physical wounds? Would it even matter?

It's been years since there were red scars on my wrist. I start to wonder. Did it really made it go away? What I felt. The tears. The hurt. And the frustration of it all. Did it went away when the blade cuts through my skin. I wonder.. I cant remember what it felt like. Did I even felt anything? The scars remind me of how young I was. How naive I was to the world. 

I am on a journey to self discovery. Who I was,who I am and who I will be. Everyone evolves. It's just human nature. But I dont think the heart of a person changes.. It makes us who we are. 

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