Friday, January 20, 2012

My worst & my best

I wonder --

If someone cant accept me at my worst, then will he deserve to see me at my best. I know, I am not perfect. Is there such a thing as a perfect human being. Even when I was younger, someone asked me this question "No one is perfect, so why is there a saying that says 'Practice makes perfect'?"

I was quiet for a moment, and explained that it means two different things. You are who you are. You cant really change that. I've seen people change, but to what extent? Not that much really. All you can do is hope for the best, be the best that you can, and hope to eventually find people that accepts you for who you are as you walk through life. Those are the people that would be with you until the end. We are so different from everyone, and yet we find that we have a mutual understanding and friendship between those people. It doesnt mean that we have to find people that are exactly like us, just similar or alike.

I am flawed, I admit it. Very much that sometimes I dont know how I have people around me that can stand me. I am pretty sure they get annoyed by me at times. I am thankful to those that stood by me for years and hopefully for years to come.

I can be very loud when I want to. Mostly, when I am with friends that have the same sense of humor that I do. I can laugh continuously until I have stomach cramps. I can be very quiet when I feel like it. Those are the moments where my thoughts are scattered everywhere, or if I feel that it is not the time and place to be loud. I love being with people who can take jokes and at the same time be the one who's telling them. I do not find people without a sense of humor attractive. I also dont find people who has a rude sense of humor attractive.

Guys usually find quiet and reserved girls more attractive than girls like me. My friends and I conclude that girls like us are usually seen as the 'friend' rather than a girlfriend material. I think that's just one opinion. Or is it not?

I find that, I would love to have a boyfriend who is like my best friend. Who can laugh with me, and has the same sense of humor as me. Who could let me gossip to him all night about the trivial matters that happened that day. Who could let me do what I love without criticizing me, rather than doing that, he would support me in what I do. As I would do the same to him. I'd rather have someone who has his own thing, that I could support him in and be proud of him rather than not having anything in his life, that he would be clinging to me because he has nothing else to do. Yes, spending time together is good, but time apart doing what we love is great. Someone who can accept me at my worst. I may have my own reasons for being the way I am, and if he can stick it out -- I feel that he deserves to see me at my best. I would feel like I would want to show him the best that I can be.

Right now, all of this seems impossible. It's OK. I can only do my best. Whatever happens, happens. When will I feel like I am ready? I think when the right person comes, I will be. For right now, I'll focus on my life and do whatever that makes me happy. It's my life, I have to live it, no one else.

I know I am not girlfriend-material. More like friend-material. I dont think I want to be someone's girlfriend for now. Being single is all good. You dont have to have someone special in your life to be happy. You make yourself happy. It is all up to you. Who says I dont have anyone special? I have God,my family, my friends and my dreams. That's all I need for now.

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